EP 91: A Deep Dive Into Procrastination with Sheridan Ruth | Part 2

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Hey, you are about to hear part two of a two-part conversation. If you haven't yet, be sure to listen to part one, which aired last week. Hey, welcome back to the Think Happy Podcast. If you're listening to this on the air date or I guess after the air date for that matter, it's officially August, which like what the actual heck? I feel like time has been so weird for this entire year. It's just been this non-stop state of just moving incredibly fast and slow simultaneously. Am I the only one? No, I cannot be the only one.

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Someone told me the other day that when kids reach school age, as in kindergarten and above, that time starts moving even faster. I just have been thinking about that because I don't think I'm ready for that to happen. Right now, we're in this season of life with Eleanor and James that is just so much fun. Eleanor is starting to take more of an interest in James. It's not always a good interest, but more of an interest in him nonetheless. She is obsessed with dancing to shake it off by Taylor Swift. I mean, talk about the apple not falling far from the tree, you guys. I'm so proud of her for loving T. Swift. And James, gosh, little guy, he can officially pull himself up to a standing position. He is constantly on the move. He never stops moving around. And these Cuevas babies, they just have so much energy and so much personality. And I love it. They are the best. And they are just filling me up right now. Oh, those Cuevas babies. Anyway, okay, so did you like last week's episode with Sheridan? I told you that it was going to be awesome.

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I told you she's amazing. And if you liked it, then lucky for you, because today you get part two. But before we roll into the second half of our conversation, I have a quick announcement. Last week you heard me talk about Think Happy's brand new program that is 100 % geared toward mommas. Spoiler alert, it's called Mom Life. So Mom Life will focus specifically on time and task management for moms and building routines for moms and families, all while keeping moms' cup full. The beta program is officially underway, which means the full-blown program will be rolling out so very soon. If you want more info on it, send me a DM on Instagram that says mom-life, and I will get you just all of the details. And so with that being said, let's get to with Sheridan. Okay, so I'll bring us back, even though that rabbit trail was such an amazing rabbit trail. Listeners, you're welcome for that rabbit trail. I know you guys love the enneagram because that series is very popular anyway.

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Yeah, I'm excited to look at it.

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They're fun. Okay, so we let's transition a little bit to the what we can do about this. Like, how do we, I say, quote unquote, fix it because I don't know if there's any long term fix to it. But what do we do about this now that we know this about procrastination and what's happening in our bodies?

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Yeah, you mentioned a couple of things that are really helpful. Number one, I'm going to go back, is pleasure. When we can bring pleasure and ease into our day and fun, it tells the body, Oh, actually, we're safe because the body knows that if I can just take three breaths to really enjoy my latte or I can dance to a Beyonce song, the message the body is receiving is if you can dance to a Beyonce song, I guess we're fine.

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Yeah.

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Cool. All right, cool. And so it gets to calm down and it gets to peel back the layers of procrastination or of the other parts of you that are making it harder to use your time the way that you want to use it in the way that you know would be best. And so number one would bring pleasure in. Number two would just be to pay attention to how regulated your nervous system is. I have a PDF that I will share with you, and I think it will be best for the listeners to go and download that PDF. But what that PDF is going to do is it's very complete and it's going to tell you how to know if your nervous system is perceiving some level of threat.

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And then exactly what to do about it without having much time, space, privacy or experience. So it has pick your own adventure. You're like, Oh, this is how I'm feeling. Okay, that means I'm in this nervous system state. I'm going to click here and it's going to take me to a list of recommended resources to come back to that sense of... It's really great, actually. I just updated it. It's really freaking awesome.

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Oh, man. I cannot wait to look at that.

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Yeah, you're going to enjoy it. It's going to take you back and it's listed in different resources that you can use. So maybe sensory ones or breath-worth ones or creative ones or movement ones, and you just pick from that list. What we're really doing is by doing that consistently, we're doing two things. Number one, we're getting to know our coping mechanisms, which is really what we need so that awareness does so much. But number two, we're actually consistently teaching the body, Oh, it is safe to fold the laundry. You don't need to procrastinate about that. Oh, it is safe to go and make money. Some of us have anxiety around making money, and so we procrastinate the tasks that are going to make us the most amount of money. If we can do that with a regulated nervous system instead of from that anxious, like your shoulders are up and you're typing on the... I'm going to get this done. If we can make money from a regulated space, what we're doing is we're telling our nervous system, Oh, it is safe to do these higher paying jobs, or if we can have difficult conversations with our kids or our parents or our partners, we're saying, Oh, look, even though you might feel vulnerable, even though you might feel scared, it is safe to have these conversations.

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Just by using the PDF and bringing more regulation into your day, you're slowly making it easier, making it safe. When we do that, it's very similar to your tool in that your PDF looks at, how do I find all this time that I'm putting on things that isn't supporting me? What we're doing with my PDF is we're finding all the energy that we're putting into maintaining a stress response. And now you're going to go and put it into making cookies or going dancing or spending time in your garden or maybe sleeping.

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Yeah. Oh, man, I cannot wait to look at that. As I'm sitting here, I'm drinking the most delicious cup of Kirby's coffee. Kerby's is a wife and husband duo who turned their passion for coffee into a business. They are so sweet and it makes me so happy seeing their business thrive. Now, let me tell you why Kerby's is thriving. To put it simply, it's because their coffee is amazing. Think Happy has had the honor of getting to pick a Think Happy signature roast. These dark, roasted, Mexico beans smell like a good day waiting to happen. When brewed, they create the smoothest cup of coffee you have ever tasted, and it is even still good after being preheated. If you're like me and frequently get pulled away from your coffee, you know that's important. And I have a special treat for you. Think Happy listeners receive 15% off their order of Kirbeans. Head to Kirbeans. Coffee. Kirbeans is spelled K-I-R-B-E-A-N-S. And use code Think Happy at checkout for your 15 % discount. Again, that's Kirbeans coffee code Think Happy for 15 % off.

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Actually, okay, so this might be a silly question, and so forgive me if it is, but are there physical signs in our body of when our nervous system is not regulated?

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Like, yes. Yeah, what are those?

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There are so many different ones. I'm going to give you a couple of... I'm going to give you a couple. Okay, so if we're in a fight response.

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There's going to be tension inside of the body. Tension is what precedes action. So you know that you're going into a fight response when you have a tense muscles. It's difficult to look at people in the eye. Your heart rate is increasing. You might feel like there's this almost like this energy of like, I've got to get up and out. I've got to get up. I've got to like... Maybe the volume of your voice gets louder. You might feel yourself getting bigger. You might feel yourself leaning forward. This is this fight response, right? There's a little bit of tension. Then we have the flight response, which also has tension in it because your body is getting ready. It's getting tense to prepare you to run away from something. There's tension. Your heart rate and your breath rate will fasten, or you might just start holding your breath like you're bracing for something. Before, I don't know if you ever did track when you were a kid and you would get ready to go and you're like, they're about to do the butt, ring the gun, and you're tense and you're holding your breath. Yeah. That's what it would be like?

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Yeah. Yeah. Like a pounding sensation in your chest, a pounding sensation in your head, feeling this hyper-alert like you're looking for things. That's signs of it or fight or flight. Then we have the other side of the spectrum, which is in the nervous system. This is in the nervous system. Pdf. It's called the Blue Zone, but it's hypoarousal. It's when we go into this state of almost like disassociation. We start feeling really heavy. As I'm speaking, you can probably feel it in your body. You get sleepy. There's a lack of energy. You just feel this energy of like you want to withdraw. You want to be in a way you want to get small. Your shoulders will come in. Your heart rate will actually lower. You might even feel just like down, depressed.

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Yeah, lethargic.

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Super lethargic. Yeah.

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Yeah I'm like, I don't want to do anything. I don't want to move. I don't want to go to the toilet or the kitchen. I just know.

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Yeah. Yeah. Oh, my gosh. It is wild. The listeners have... But I'm just reminded and hearing you go through all of that, our body is telling us so much. All the time, our body is telling us things that it needs from us. All we have to do is just tune in and listen up. Yeah.

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And we have to learn its language because we think that it's telling us... I don't know. I think it's telling us something sometimes, but what it's actually telling us is something else. We think that it's telling us that the groceries is bad. But what it's telling us is, Oh, hey, you feel more safe when you are at home.

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Because you perceive going to the grocery store as dangerous. And you know what? Sometimes you might choose to go to the grocery store and go out of your comfort zone. And sometimes you might just say, You know what, buddy? I'm going to be really soft with you today and I'm going to order them online.

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Yeah.

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Yeah.

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I think the best example that I can get or an easy example that I think a lot of people will be able to relate to of knowing your body's language, getting in tune with your body's language is the simple example of sometimes when we feel hunger, it's not actually hunger. It could be that you're tired. It could be that you're bored. It could be that you're thirsty. All of those things. Or you're sad. Or you're sad. Yes. And so it's like, Okay, I hear you. You're telling me that you're hungry, but wait a second. I need to like... And get to know my body's language more is this actually hunger.

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Exactly. And sometimes you're really angry. Yes. Or you think you're angry and everyone's annoying you, but you're actually just hungry. Yeah.

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It's tricky like that.

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But even then, what's happening is you're hungry, your body is saying, I don't know if I have resources. I'm going to put myself in a fight response and I'm going to get angry because I think... Because I'm hungry, I think that I'm not safe because I don't have food.

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Yeah.

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No, that makes total sense. So for the listener whose jaw is literally on the floor right now after listening to this conversation and maybe for the listener who just feels like all these dots have finally been connected, do you have any tips or suggestions or words of encouragement for these listeners?

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Yeah, I think a lot of learning about this can be two things. Sometimes it can feel like a lot and it can feel like, Oh, my God, is this the right modality? Am I ever going to learn? What is this going to be? What am I going to do with it? I think, you know what? There is a lot of information out there that's actually a very true thing. You don't have to know all of it. All you have to know is how to work with your specific tendencies. Just like with the enneagram or just like when you're looking at how you tend to waste time, we all have these different tendencies. With a lot of compassion and just recognize this is your body trying to do the best that it can do with the information and the tools that it has, it's just trying to keep you safe. I would probably download the PDF. It's totally free. You can just put it on your phone and then you can unsubscribe from my emails that you'll get afterwards. You don't need to admit to any of that.

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But get to know-.

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They're great.

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Yeah.

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They actually are really great. Yeah, they are. But use that tool to bring awareness to what your tendencies are and learn your own language. The more that you do it, I would recommend at least checking in with the PDF at least twice a day. The more, the better. If you can do it every hour, you would be an A-grade student. But checking in to learn how do I get dysregulated and how can I get more regulated. And from that space, you will figure out what you need next.

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Yeah. Yeah. So it's like just take it one step at a time, like check in with that PDF. Probably the more comfortable you get with that resource, the more you will be drawn to checking in with it more frequently throughout the day, I would assume, because it becomes less scary. It becomes, it's something that you're more comfortable with.

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Yeah, and you will learn it and you will mesmerize it and you will memorize it and you'll start having little situations where I have a client. She tends to really struggle when she has her kids at home and she gets really angry. We've been working a lot on having her do these more regular check-ins because she doesn't have to wait until she's so angry. She just goes into that freeze response and every just feeling is overwhelming. She collapses and wants to retreat into the kitchen. Now what happens is she'll check in with herself more regularly and she'll just notice, Oh, I noticed when there's a little bit of tension in my jaw, it's a sign that I'm about to get angry. Or I notice that when I have thoughts of I'm so alone, alone, it's a sign that I'm about to get angry. We'll start becoming more minute with our awareness so that we can preempt any of the coping mechanisms. From this PDF, I started noticing I will have that voice where it's like, I'm so alone. I have to do everything myself. I don't have support. Then I would eat a chocolate cake.

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It took me a little bit of time to realize, Oh, two hours before I want to eat the chocolate cake, I had a thought, I am alone. Three hours before that, X, Y, Z happened. When I'm doing the check-in, I can notice how my body responds to the event, how my thoughts respond to the event, and use one of the tools so that when and if I eat the chocolate cake, it's not doing it from a place of self-soothing, rather from, I just got a really wonderful chocolate cake and I'll have instead of the whole thing.

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Yeah. Yeah. Oh, gosh, this conversation has been so awesome. But I have one more very important question for you that I ask every guest who comes on the Think Happy podcast. Do you have a life or happiness hack that you use in your life that the listeners might want to incorporate into their own lives?

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I love this question because there's so many good answers. Really simple. Every now and again throughout the day, I just say, How can I make this moment 5% more fun?

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I love that one. It's so easy. And you could even like, Oh, my gosh. So my brain just starts going on with this. You could even set an alarm on your phone for noon every single day or something like that. Just like, How can I make this moment 5% more fun? How can I serve someone else in this moment? Just like small little reminders. That's a great one.

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Exactly. It's really good. Yeah. Because you don't have to do anything big. It's just, okay, literally in this moment, what can I do?

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Yeah. I can get up and I can dance to Beyonce is what I can do.

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She's a go to for me. Yeah. Although, Lemonade was so much better than her last album... But that's the conversation. Yeah.

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Okay. I'm a big time Taylor Swift fan. How do you feel about T-Swift?

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I feel like I'm missing out on things, like a big fan, but I'm not... I'm a fan. I think there's value curious, but I've just never gone fully in it because she seems amazing. She just doesn't evoke so much inside of me. I'm not obsessed. I don't... She's cool.

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No, I get it. I totally get it. I totally get it. She, I don't know, I feel like if she ever met me, she would be like, Yeah, Kaitlin, I want to be really great friends with you.

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I'm sure she would, Kaitlin.

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I'm going to let you have that one oh, my gosh. I can't believe we got to do conversations like this as part of our work. How lucky are we?

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We just made it 5% better. We did.

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Make it 5% better. More fun. Okay, so where can the listeners connect with you?

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Yeah, great question. So you will have the link to the PDF down below. I think that if you're only going to click on one link, click on that one. I think that's the one. Yeah. If you want to connect with me as a personal human being, just follow along with what I'm doing and learn little tidbits like you did today. Find me on Instagram. It's under, @SherridanRuth_. That's S-H-E-R-I-D-A-N-R-U-T-H. Under score. And they're like, Hey. Hi. Hi. Come say hey. Let's be friends. Just be that person that sends the DM that says, Hi.

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Hi. Hi. Well, thank you so much for taking time out of your day to come here to spend time with us and just to pour into us. This has been such an amazing conversation. I cannot thank you enough.

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Yeah. Thank you so much for having me, Kaitlin.

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All right, my friends. And with that being said, I will be back in your ears next week with another episode of The Think Happy Podcast. Thank you for joining me for this week's episode of The Think Happy Podcast. I would so appreciate it if you could leave a rating and review. And if you just can't get enough, find me on Instagram at thinkhapy_or CO, that's co, and online at thinkhappyco.com. I'll be back in your ears next week with another episode of The Think Happy Podcast.