EP 48: Self Care, Self Love, Boundaries, & Mindfulness with Jane Kilian | Part 1

I have another two part episode for you. Tune into part one today, then come back next week for part two. Enjoy.

Hello, hello, and welcome to another episode of the think happy podcast. I hope your day, I hope you're weak, I hope you're month. It's just going smashingly well. Today's episode is going to be about self love, self care, working from the inside out, and I just have zero doubts that you're going to enjoy our time with today's guests. But first I have a quick reminder for you.

Tis The season for wrapping up summertime and preparing to dive back into your regularly scheduled work routine, school routine, life routine and honestly, there's no better time to get a handle on your time and task management than now. And, lucky for you, think happy is all about all things time and task management. Join me each week in August for a Free Live coaching session dedicated to teaching you tips, tricks and hacks to mastering time and task management in your own life. So here here's the four on one. When is this happening? The first three Fridays in August at noon central time. So you guys, this episode is airing on August, which means we have one more left in this series, which is gonna be this Friday, the nineteenth, where Google meets what do you get as a registrant? You get links to the live sessions, you get access to replays of all of the live sessions that have happened in the past and you get a new work she each week. So to register, head to either the link in my instagram bio and click Freebie, or just go straight to thinkhappyco.COM/MINI-series.

All right, my friend. Now to the good stuff. Today I have the pleasure of being joined by Jane Killian. Jane has been a personal trainer for fourteen years and has heard every pain point of every woman she has ever trained. She realized they all had something in common and that is not loving themselves. So she realized she needed to create change from the inside out and not the other way around. Unselfishly me, her self love brand was born in and has been doing just that. Her signature eight week course was where it all started and has grown to self love retreats, her podcast workshops and the Self Love Club, which is a monthly self love content and community. Her new favorite focus is on teaching beginner yoga. In a world where yoga can seem intimidating to go to a class, she breaks it down and teaches you from the mat up, like literally how to stand on your mat doing downward dog, just flowing through a sun salutation. Her Passion is helping you figure out your Aha moment and rewrite your story for your happiest and most authentic you. I am just so looking forward to this conversation today, Jane. The unselfishly me and the think happy messages just are so closely aligned and I know that the listeners are going to have a great time learning from you. So I just want to start by saying thank you for being here, thank you for having me.

I love listening to you. I'm just like, sounds so nice, but yes, doing the way I do. That's so great. and Um, okay, before I get to my very first question, I want to tell everyone, or I want you to tell everyone, where you live. If you notice, my accent is a little bit different. Just a dad. I live in South Africa. So I am in Durban South Africa. I'm sure when you watched I always laugh because in the American movies it's always Cape Town that always talked about. Cape Town or I don't live there. I live in Durbon, which is kind of like a mix between the two, so not so cold and and not so dry. I love it, I love it. It is so cool. I think that you are our first overseas guest. Yeah, yes, I have had conversations with people all across the states, but, you know, round of applause for this. This is a monumental moment for the think happy podcast and thank you for, you know, gracing us with your presence Middle Old South Africa. Who would have thought? who would have thUNK? All right, so, Um, tell us just a little bit about you. A little bit about unselfishly? Me Sure. So I live in South Africa. I have lived gamma whole laugh. I have been overseas to live. For one year I lived in Scotland, so I have ventured out and I love to travel. I have a little three year old, just turned three, and, uh, I'm very active. So I've always been very sporty. I've always been playing sports, involved in somewhere and which led me then to study sports science and then go into personal training. And Yeah, it's just been a really interesting journey for me and how things have kind of evolved. But at the same time where, even though I've been pivoting like everyone during covid and things like that, they've always been super aligned and it's kind of black. It's almost come full circle, which we'll talk about just now when we're talking about the inside out. But everything has been a bit of a wild journey, but at the same time it's been almost black. It was planned. Yeah, yeah, it's crazy how sometimes like the pieces of the puzzle just all end up coming together in an unexpected way. MM HMM.

So, okay, the first thing that we have to talk about that you teach to your community, that honestly, really intrigues me is this notion of working from the inside out, you know, versus working from the outside in. So what exactly does that mean? So for me, being a personal trainer, everything was very much focused on the outside and how you look and losing weight and helping everyone to, you know, find that body that they really like, wanted, and not that they needed, but that they wanted. So I was very much focused on the outside. Along the way, I was always kind of mantle of the way that they were speaking to themselves. I would always tell them to be kindly to yourselves, you know, count when you look in the mirror and having that manthfulness and that self love. But at the same time, I wasn't doing then what I'm doing now, which now I'm working from the inside out, which is more focusing on how you feel, not how you look, focusing on how you can create peace in your laugh and how you can be more manful and, you know, create your client and the peace within yourself. So, you know, you're working on focusing on everything on the inside about you that you don't necessarily love, you know, and starting to turn it into this beautiful place that you love and a door and everything about yourself that you didn't love starting to love it and appreciate it, you know, and then, because what I found was that when everyone was focusing on the outside and they're trying to lose weight to make themselves happy, it wasn't happening. But when you focus on loving yourself from the inside, a bad product of that was that you ended up losing weight on the outside. Right. What I mean? I just have a huge smile on my face. was going to you say that and it kind of makes me think of, you know, this whole conversation that I hear and see frequently about, you know, getting to the root of the problem, and I could see how, you know, being concerned with outside appearance might feel like the actual problem, but in reality the root is something that's deep inside of you. Um, and so, I mean, I think that that's one of the reasons why I love this notion of working from the inside out, just, you know, starting with you at the core and you know, just feeling good there is just naturally going to help you feel good on the outside also. Yeah, and you can't really you don't know how you are feeling, and then you start asking yourself and I think when you are focusing on the outside and you're just focusing on how you look to essentially make yourself feel better, exactly that with the root of the problem, it's almost like, putting a band aid over the problem and you're thinking that it's going to be okay or, you know, not actually finding the root of your injury, but you just, you know, you're just fixing the symptoms and not the actually cause. You know that's the problem. Like, you know you have bigone as you have chiropractice, you have physiotherapists, but like a lot of the time, and I can say this because I'm friends with all of them and a lot of, the problem is something that is an injury and a muscular and a biomechanical issue. That about like a a bio needs to fix, not a physio. When you go into physio and you're just having that, you know, the sonar and all that kind of stuff and the laser, it's just treating the symptoms. It's not actually treating the cause. Like why did you mean the injury? So that's what we need to start doing with ourselves, is actually working on the inside and finding out what the problem is on the inside. While are we're feeling not bad about ourselves, who told us a story about ourselves that made us, I think, our whole life that we are a certain way. You know, that is on the inside. You can't fix that fixing the outside. You're still going to have that feeling inside of you. So you really do have to get to the inside and dig deep. And I always say to my fast you need to be like Veronica Mas. I don't know who you actually watched it. I used to watch it back when I was growing up. You need to investigate I'm not dig okay, so rap Christian, and then Veronica Mars Yourself. So keep asking and then why why do I feel like this? Who made me feel like this? And just keep asking yourself the question until you get to the actual root. So yes, investigate yourself. And you know, as we're sitting here talking about this, I can't help but think of all of the women who are listening to this right now who probably at some point in their life have dealt with, you know, wanting to lose weight, wanting to slim down, wanting to get more tone, you know, and then once they do accomplish that goal, chances are they don't actually feel better, and that's because that what was neglected, was the inside. It's like a it's a foreign concept to most of us. Are Yeah, but I need, yes, I need to lose the outside, because society is telling me I don't look like I should. So I need to lose this so that I can fit into this mold. And the only way I'm going to fit into this mold and be accepted by everyone is if I actually look a certain way. So you you focus on the outside and you don't actually fix that hole within you that you need to make a whole. Yeah, yeah, so can you walk us through? You know how to do this? How do we start working from the inside out? Yeah, so, first things first. If anyone follows Marissa Peir here, she created that whole. I am an F movement, so she is all about self love, self care and also, you know, creating the self love from your mind. Like your mind only believes what you think. So first things first is to start actually speaking candy to yourself. I knows, really hard to do you sometimes, but easier said than done. Your negative self talk is what is creating the root of this problem as well, of course, your stories that you have grown up thinking you are a certain way, and often those stories don't even come from us. They come from teachers, they come from parents, they come from siblings. You know, from the age of like nough to seven is when we are taking in all these things from the outside that aren't actually from ourselves and learning all these stories. So simple things from teachers telling you, you know you need to lose weight to source coaches on the you know when you're playing sport like you need to lose a few pounds because you've you've got a bit slow this year. Whatever those you know stories are, you then carry them with you throughout. Laugh. I'm pretty sure each of us could sit here and think of one teacher who said one comment when you're at school and it's just stuck with you ever since. So the stories that we tell ourselves are the basis of our negative self talk and it always will be unless we acknowledge it and find what kind of came from and actually look at it and accept it, and then we've on from it. So first things first, I would say, is checking your negative self talk. What are you telling yourself? And what if you started believing about yourself that isn't necessarily true, because not actually your story, and then trying to actively change that negative self talk. So things like looking in the mirror and saying you're going to have a great day to day. you know, even if you are trying to lose weight. So this is how I started this from then. Side up was my best friend had a baby and it was about eleven years ago and none of us had friends who had had babies. So I went to our house literally the next day and I looked at her and she looked at me, and I looked at her and she looked at me and she was like, I know, I still look pregnant, I don't understand. So we were both like what, I don't I thought, what? It doesn't make sense. So we were like what. So what have happened was and she, she was always very, very into germ. I mean thought we met she was a client to mine. Left. Okay, my best friend. So I was like, okay, you know what you have to do. She said she started training after three weeks Um and she started training at home, just, you know, baby in the carrier, doing squads. In some ways I love that. Yeah, yeah, and then she was just like nothing is happening. I don't understand. She said, okay, look in the mirror and tell yourself, even if you don't believe it, start telling Yourself, oh, I feel like I'm turning up a little bit here, oh my waist is going in a little bit here, and I said Light Yourself, but if you don't believe it or don't feel it, just light yourself and tell yourself that you're noticing these changes. So she started doing that and then literally three weeks she was like, I'm actually, actually, I'm actually shifting the scale. So, because your mind only believes what you say, when you say these things, it starts creating that reality as well for you. So that's why when we get compliments, you know, when someone compliments you, you're like, oh, thanks. This whole thing was like, okay, I've living. I don't have dollars, but let's just say it was. It was ten dollars on sale. Yeah, we can never just say thank you. We're like Oh, yeah, he looks so nice and thanks for so dirty right now. What if it is we keep that shifting the compliments and it's because our mind doesn't actually believe them. So they're not important. Because I think the steps are like twenty minutes and it's gone, whereas when you actually say those things to yourself, your mind only believes it. So you hold onto that and you start believing it. So your negative self talk. If I had to choose a topic, I'm do all these different workshops. If I had to choose a topic to change your last from today, it would be too flip your negative self talk, because your mind is so powerful. We don't do not actually realize how powerful our minds are, and they literally hold the key to everything that we want. Enough, so checking your negative self talk and actually flipping it. So start giving yourself compliments in the mirror. Start writing a gratitude journal every morning. I do that. I'm not allowed to look at my phone. Speaking. You're like boundaries, you know, have to look at my phone in the morning until I have written some gratitude journal. That Journal pumped out. So even just saying three terms, I'm so grateful for, I'm so grateful for I'm so grateful, or five terms or ten times. So I do that every day and you'll notice that, even if you're in a really negative space, when you start writing what you're grateful for, even if it is I'm so grateful for this hot tea or whatever the case is. It really starts to shift your vibration and put you in a more positive space mentally. I absolutely agree with that and I find that when I don't do it, if I miss a morning, I think, like this morning I had to go teachert ago really early, so I love was in a rush and, yeah, I feel off today. Yeah, I do my gratitude journal in the evening, Um, right before I get into bed, and one thing that I love about it is, even if I've had a crummy day, you know, I sit there and I write down just three things that I'm grateful for from that day and it's such a good, you know, mind shift for right before I go to sleep, and it just like it makes you think to be grateful for the little things also, you know, for for your bed. Sometimes literally, I'm like bed, comfy pajamas, a roof. Yeah, and you know, like it just makes you grateful. My Child slept till 3am Yeah, a little things. Aaron Conduran is my go to for planners, stickers and other organization accessories. And can I tell you something cool? I think happy is officially an Aaron conjured affiliate. That means when you shop Aaron Condran via the think happy link, this podcast benefits by receiving a small commission from your purchase. You can shop my aeron conjured favorites via the link in my instagram bio or on thinkhappyco.com under the shop category. Thank you for supporting the think happy podcasting, happy planning. That's the little things it is. Yeah, it's just gratitude, negative self talk, gratitude. Um, also like bringing in mindfulness. So, especially if you aren't, if you are scared of meditating, because I think when someone says meditation you picture someone sitting on the floor and just being quiet and being silent. But there are so many guided meditations out there that are so beautiful and so amazing and I love listening to guided meditation. Like, let's not make it hard. You know, life is hard enough as it is. Let's just use something that we actually enjoy and that we find pretty, you know, comforting. So guided meditation, so that bringing in that mandfulness to your day as well, just quiet and in your mind, especially if you have a lot of negative chatter in your mind, just doing a five minute guided meditation each day you'll get into such a routine of it that your mind will actually crave that, the peace and that quiet. And then also, like boundaries, you've got to set those boundaries with yourself. You've got to set your boundaries with others, especially if you're not making the time for yourself, or if you have work colleagues or a bus or you are the boss and you don't have any boundaries. You need to set those boundaries for yourself, because boundaries are for myself, love and especially self care. You need the time for yourself. You need your time for going within, for quite seeing the man, for moving your body to shift that energy and to feel a lot better about yourself. So boundaries are huge. mindfulness is huge, and working from the inside out is all about bringing their self love into your heart space. It's about focusing on yourself, making their time for yourself, and the only way you're going to do that is if you have boundaries. So you need to set those boundaries. I think that even most importantly, the boundaries need to come from like within and when you set them with ourselves, because we can say, Oh, I know I can't do that, I've got a child now, but I can't do that because, XYZ But half the time, if you're married, your husband will actually if you ask for help, because we don't like asking how, and you say, I need thirty minutes a day please. You know, we need to ask for help, we need to make the changes and we need to actually fit the stuff into our day that is going to make us feel better. So focusing on all those things that will make you feel better from the inside, so that journaling, gratitude, journaling, even if you want to start journaling, you know, full page journaling of your thoughts and bringing up any of those topics that don't feel good for you and you're like questioning, where did my story come from? You know, all these things working on the inside of us and not just focusing on how we look like you want to feel better. It's nice to be your body. It's great you're working on the outside, but it's also helping the inside when you're focusing on it from a self love point of view, not an ego point of view, of looking from how I love you know. So, yeah, just start more what's your your negative self talk, and even write down the words and the sentences that you say to your self and when you catch yourself saying them in your head. Always say stuff. Sometimes I'll smack my hand so it becomes like this little I'm like stop that. So you kind of like remember it. I'd like to say stuff forgive yourself for their thought, like acknowledge the thought. Forgive yourself for the thought, because, I mean there could be a cycle where you're like, Oh, you're so stupid because you've just said all these negative things to yourself, and you're like you're so stupid, you can't do anything right, and then you're just making the cycle of negative self talk. So don't let yourself feel guilty or shameful about what you've said to yourself. So notice the thought, acknowledge it, forgive yourself for it and then move on replace it with something positive. So you'll get into such a routine of noticing what you're saying to yourself, but eventually it will just be a quick flip to something positive. So you have to give yourself compliment afterwards. That really helps you to get out of that habit of just saying these horrible things to yourself as well. Yeah, it seems like really just bringing awareness to it is kind of a big step here, once you start becoming aware of all of that negative self talk that you know is sometimes on repeat internally. Um, that just seems like a really big step in the right direction. Yeah, for sure. I don't want to forget to ask you. Um, I'M gonna go back to me talking about the guided meditations. Do you have any like go to guided meditations that you particularly like? I personally have not gotten into meditation yet, but I see the benefit and I want to. So do you have any suggestions? Yes, I have lots of Oh good. My favorite APP is quote instact or insight timer. If you look for it on your APP store, it's like a little golden what is it like? A Meditation Bowl? had asked. It's a free APP and you can then, if you want to, like, subscribe. So I do a lot of retreats, especially like I suppose it would be like the woods for you, like forests and things, and I need to have it offline so I do the paid version so that I can download one, but it is a free APP. It's incredible. There's so many meditations I can't even explain to you. Sarah blondon is incredible. She is actually a writer. Her voice is just yeah, do yourself a favor, Sarah blondon. There are so many amazing people on there and there's so many different genres and topics. So you could literally, if you're feeling anxious, to there. You can literally type in anxiety meditation and it will come up and then you can choose if you want to do a five minute at ten minute. There's so many different options. There's different music that you can sleep to. There's Yoga Nidra, which is like Yogi sleep, so it's like you literally are relaxing your body. There's even kids ones on there, which I love. There's a whole section of the parents. Yeah, so it's be nice for kids to instead of you reading them a story, they can listen to like a bed meditation, but you can tell them it's a meditation or you can tell them it's a story, because there are bed term meditation stories. So for one minute up to an hour, so for all different ages it's really nice. It gets them super calm as well, which is really nice, and then it also brings your black little rituals to them, so you can be OK, you have done my meditation now, so you're gonna do your meditation. So it's pretty nice to bring that mindfulness and self love to them from a really young age. So that's called either insight or insight Timer yeah, okay, so many others. There's a whole bunch I'm gonna give I'll send you all of my favorite ones and then maybe you can put in your show notes. But yes, Sarah London, Queer Web Um, there's a girl called Dora. So many of black bookmarks, so many of them. I Love, love, like I just love their voices. And if you're into Scottish, like a Scottish accent, there's a man who's amazing. I'll give you, I'll give you all the good ones. Amazing. Thank you. Yes, those will definitely be in the show notes. Oh Gosh. Okay, so this is all so good so far. This, I mean, everything I was hoping for and more so. I want to go back to to, you know, really how to how the listeners can start this practice, you know, of of becoming aware of their negative self talk, of practicing gratitude, you know, and so I'm wondering, do you have any tips or best practices or any advice for the listeners for then, for when they start actually implementing this practice that you're teaching us about. MM HMMM. So the first of I would say is create a boundary. So you need to create a boundary, especially with yourself, and then you need to set their boundary with those around you. So you need to decide what you need. So I personally think that you need to do a five minute guarded meditation and at least five minutes of journaling a day. So there's ten minutes, okay, out of your day. That is nothing. You know, we stroll Tiktok for an hour because you think it's ten but it's like an hour. So ten minutes, there's nothing. Then I would love you to move your body in some way for twenty minutes. So let's just say it's half an hour in your whole day. But it's going to set you up for the most incredible feeling and mindfulness and you know, moving forward, you're going to just start feeling so much better about yourself. So half an hour in a day is not allowed, to ask, and you can split it up if you need to. So really it's like taking little breaks. So if you could in the morning, a lot of people are busy and sometimes, especially if you have kids, it's easier to actually do it either when they're sleep or when in the morning or when they are asleep. But now, so understanding that everyone's going to have their preference for waking up early or going to bed later. So I would say start with a five minute guarded meditation. Then do five minutes of journaling, so their gratitude journaling, and then just journaling your thoughts and your feelings. I mean, even if you are a creative person and you'd rather just do it to all pictures, whatever you're doing, to get the thoughts out of your head and onto the paper. And then move your body. Twenty minutes. I mean nothing. That's nothing. If you want to do more, go do more, but twenty minutes. If you can do twenty minutes out yoga, if you can do twenty minutes of dancing, of Zimber, of Crosfit, of walking or running off swimming, whatever you like to do, do that. Like. Don't try and go do crosfit if you're a ballet dancer and that's what you want to do, you know. So choosing something that you feel good doing. That makes you feel strong in your own way and it makes you feel very connected to your body. So we're trying to shift the energy. You're not trying to do it to lose weight, you're doing it to feel good on the inside. So focusing on something that feels soulful, like I love getting a coffee and walking along the beach like that. For me, is that soulful and it makes me feel really good about you know that that sounds great sometimes listening to podcasts, you know. Yes, yes, what I love about what you're saying about the movement, Jane, is one thing that we talk a lot about at the think happy community is is the difference between just exercise and working out and how exercise and and how I reference it, is more just intentional movement of your body. You know, the walk on the beach with your coffee totally counts, you know, but but also, you know, a workout can count as exercise too, and there's a time and a place for both. But to set yourself up for success, I think it's helpful to reframe this notion of, you know, exercise always having to be going to a cross fit class, you know, or take getting a sixty minute bar class or a forty five minutes cycle class. are going for a three mile run. You know, it doesn't have to be that. It can literally be walking your dog around the block and just being mindful and intentional about that movement completely. And I think that what people don't realize is that they are no exercise police. Like no, no one's going to come and be back. You're not doing it right. That is hilarious. So you are in control of how you want to feel and you are in control of how you want to move your body. Like, don't let Susan down the road tell you that you are not doing it right because you're not going to cross it. And I can say that because I used to do cross it, but so did I. You see, like it's lovely. I loved it. It was such a great and it's very good community and all that. But, like, I'm in a different space right now where it's just not it's not right for me right now. So I can appreciate it for who ever wants to do it. If that's what you want to do, go do that. If you want to go in the morning, do it then. If you want to do in the evening, do it. then. We need to stop looking at exercise as a chore and the Reason It feels like a chore, is because you're doing something that you don't want to do. MM HMM. You know, if it's something that you love and that you enjoy, go and do it, and go do it with without shame. If you want to go and do aqua aerobics with all the little grannies and the class only has any year old grannies and you're twenty three, well, who cares? If that's what you do. Yes, you know, go half far. Then then have a little little group of granny friends, like do what you want to, have a group of granny friends, and then we too re into granny granny. Oh my gosh, I can't get over there is no exercise police exactly. I was just like everyone keept. My one friend kept on talking about they said, but I should be doing this and I should. I was like what, police are coming after you? That they according to? Yeah, I'm as on trainer and I don't even tell people what to do like that. You know, it's just you've got to do what feels right for you, and that's doing something at the time that feels right for it. Also, you know, if you're not naturally a morning person, don't do it. It's not realistic to you know, I think that you're going to wake up at five o'clock each morning to go get in this movement. You know, like you have to set yourself up for success from the get go. Yes, YOU'RE gonna hate it's like, don't do it. I mean the amount of people that I had that used to cancel in the morning and I'm already dressed in halfway to the gym. I'm like, just change your time, just change it. Yeah, to get yourself up for success. Yes, so true, so true. I could not agree more. So the movement part of it. I would choose something that you really love and do at least twenty minutes of it. Yoga. I think yoga. I've discovered in the last year since I did my training, is that so many people are actually scared of Yoga. They don't know what it is, they don't know how to do it, they feel intimidated going to classes. But for me, Yoga is such a gentle movement, like you get so much benefit out of it. That is so gentle that anyone can actually do it and you can do it at home. You don't have to go to a gym. You can literally do it in your lunge, and I think that is so nice to add yoga or something that you really enjoy doing to create this beautiful half an hour ritual of you. You know, that's the best way to get out of your head and into your body and to allow yourself that gift of time, the gift of mindfulness, the gift of self love, through doing these simple things. And you know, watching your negative self talk as well, you're going to start loving yourself indirectly, like you are trying, but at the same time it's just happening because you're putting that time into yourself. So mind it's just like wow, she really is starting to take care of me and she really cares about me and the time together and she's really looking after herself. So I'm going to give her more. And that's how, you know, you start getting your feel like, you know with your productivity, you almost stretched time when you put yourself first. Somehow you still manage to get everything done that you plan to get done when you put yourself first. And there's something I've realized in the last few months is that I can go and do half an hour, you know, of my own walking on the trademill, doing this, doing that, and I still get everything done that was on my list, instead of doing the other way around, trying to do so much work and then saying, okay, I'll walk off towards because I never do. There happens because I just keep putting new things on my list. So You keep working, or you're you're so exhausted, or you know, there's always a reason that you don't end up doing it when you keep putting it off. Yeah, exactly. So this is so. What you're talking about is something that we talk about that I call Um filling your own cup and just so keeping your cup filled so that you can continue, you know, to keep pouring out to other people in your life, to your other responsibilities, to other tasks, you know, but if you let your cup get empty, you have nothing left to give. And so, to your point of you know this, for mom and on of still have like being able to take this ritual of you time, this me time, and magically still having enough time to still check the things off of your to do list that you wanted to check off. I think that just goes back to, you know, you're keeping your replenishing your cup, you're keeping it filled, and that's why we're still able to pour from that cup, because this ritual of you time is keeping the cup filled and you don't have resentment to the people around you exactly. Oh, that is so true. Yeah, yeah, so you need I don't know if you know about Human Um. Yes, we recently released an episode about human design. Actually, okay, I'm going to go listen to it because I'm yes, yes, it's let me see if I can pull it up right now to tell you which number it was. So You keep talking and I'm going to see if I can pull up. I only discovered human design a few years ago with my friend here in Cape Town. She actually started she was she became a reader, so she was doing sessions. So I did mind a few years ago and I just love how it just tells you exactly who you mean, who you mean to be. Like lack is for a reason, and the one thing that I found depending on your definition. So I'm a single definition, so I actually need to spend time with myself, by myself. Um, my little one is split and then my husband is triple split. So for him, like having us as it's a unit, like is literally like changed his laughe like it just makes him feel whole. But I'm like, okay, bye, I'm leaving. I need to go and I'm going to my first to work. And then meantime I finished and I just sit up here for another half an hour because I'm like, Whoa, I just need some time to myself. So I've learned to be unapologetic about needing that time because it's literally in my human design and it's important for me to be able to feel like me, you know. So I started something. I started something in February every few months because I host retreats and I'm always retreating other people. Have now started a solo retreat where I go away for a day in and out by myself, and I've just got back from one the other day. So like this actually this week, and I go for a full day. I go into our Midlands area, which is an hour and a half away from where I live, and it's very like leafy and green and forest in these little country stools and it's just so nice and I just go and meander and go to the different coffee shops and my favorite restaurants and then I get like a takeaway go and I make sure when I book a place it has because very chilly up there. Make sure there's a bath and there's an electric blanket and I go and bath 4PM and then I get into bed with the electric blankets all warm and I eat my dinner in the bed, I watch Netflix, I read and I do whatever I want and sounds glorious, is it not amazing? So like every three months, basically, I take myself for a full day and a like a full nat away just to kind of like reset myself and retreat myself and fill up my cup and get my energy back and, you know, sometimes it's nice to just feel like me again and not like a we. And even if you don't have kids in a relationship, you know, you kind of become not just to me, just always a week, and sometimes it's really nice to just be a me again. Yep, Yep, I could not agree more. Okay, so the episode is called a deep dive and a human design with Sarah James Carter and it aired on July thirte amazing. Okay, I want to go. So, yes, I definitely think you will enjoy that. Sarah is, oh she is just like so passionate about human design. It's so fun. Yeah, a lot of fun to listen to and litterally changes a laugh. I think that an astrology. So I've got friends who do human design and astrology and I see, I feel like those tools with self love, like learning about yourself. It actually gives you permission to love yourself more. Yeah, yeah, such powerful stuff, such powerful stuff. That's a a for part one. I'll be back next week with the second half of this conversation. See you then. From the bottom of my heart, thank you for joining me for this week's episode of the think happy podcast. If you just can't get enough, find me on Instagram at think happy underscore code, that's CEO, and online at Think Happy See you next week!