EP 53: All About Procrastination (& How To Overcome It) with Amanda Upton | Part 2

Today's episode is part two of a two part conversation. If you haven't yet, be sure to listen to part one, which aired last week. Enjoy! Do you ever find yourself feeling like the old you had time for exercise, eating well and just healthy lifestyle routines, but you can't find the time for that stuff anymore. Do you find yourself feeling like you can never get your through your to do list because you run out of time, or feeling like you're going nonstop, or just feeling like you struggle to stick with new habits, new routines that you know will actually make your life better, easier or healthier, but it's just hard for you to stick with them. I want to tell you that you were made for more than just having intentions of starting these new habits routines off on the right foot, but falling short time and time again. You were made for more than using your valuable time unproductively. You were made for more than feeling constantly overwhelmed, constantly drained.

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Okay, so let's start diving into, I guess, more of the you know action oriented part of what we're going to be discussing today, and I really cannot wait specifically to talk about this with you, So tell us all about how you use the thought model when it comes to procrastination and actually, before I just like give you that open ended question where you could go a million places with it. For the listeners who don't know what the thought model is, let's start there. Tell us what that is, because I was not super aware of this. I had heard of it, but was not super in tune with what it was. So tell us what it is, sure. So working with the thought model is really working on learning how to manage your thoughts moment. It also it has to do with emotional management, behavioral management. So you're really essentially with the thought models, you're really learning how you think and how you show up in the world and you're learning why you have the results you have in your life, because the thought model is looking at your thoughts. Your thoughts create your results. All your results come from thoughts. So this is how the breakdown, this is what a thought model is. Your thoughts produce your feelings, your feelings fuel your actions and your actions create your results. So when we're using a thought model, we're looking at okay, what are the results you have in your life? What actions did you take to get into the and to get those results, and what feelings were present and what were you thinking that started it all? So it's a lot of times it's where we can get stuck, where people can get stuck, is like things are happening to me, this thing just happened in my life and feeling it like there's no control and it's really taking back the control and going, okay, what am I thinking about this situation? How is this thought that I'm thinking making me feel? Is this like serving me? Is this working for me? What is this feeling may inspire me to do? Then what are those actions then create in my life? So when you're working with thought models, you're really being very aware of how you're showing up in a situation. And when it comes to like procrastination, it's like, how are you thinking about the thing that you're doing? What are you creating as a result of that thought? Procrastination is a result. So like what got you to procrastination? So you're really just beginning to think, like what are the thoughts that are getting me here. That makes sense.

Yeah, so I want to backtrack just for a second and I'm going to ask you to say again, it is the thoughts that lead to and just tell us that flow once. Thoughts produce your feelings. So when you have a thought, then a feeling comes in. Then your feelings, it’s me, sorry. Your feelings fuel your actions, okay, and your actions create your results. So let me break it down, like I have a lot. So say, there's like, a Facebook live that I've said, I put on my to do list I'm gonna do a Facebook live today, and I have that on my list, do a Facebook live, and then I look at that and my thought is I don't feel like it, and then my feeling is like dread because I just don't feel like my action is I just start to distract myself. I'm looking at social media. I you know, I go outside, I go get a snack, I listen to music, I do everything but what I've said I was going to do, because I don't. I've told myself I don't feel like it and I'm dreading it, and the result is I don't do my Facebook life. So that's just a simple thought models up right. Yeah, yeah, that's such a good example, also because I feel like, or something that it makes me think of is I have found, and some of my own research on procrastination, that a tricky or kind of like a sneaky form of procrastination is doing other work or doing other things on your list to prevent or to make you excuse me, to make you feel like you're still being productive, um, but in reality it's preventing you from actually doing that thing that you need to do. So, in your example, from doing that Facebook live. That's super the distractions super sneaky. Like a lot of times, when there's something that we want to do, that it's on a list or whatever it is, and we don't want to do it, we will buffer. So, like a lot of times we do. When we don't want to do something, it's because it makes us uncomfortable. There's something that about it that just is uncomfortable. So our brain is wired to seek pleasure. That's just how our brain works. So instead of doing the thing that's uncomfortable, we're like, I'm gonna do the thing that makes me feel good. I'm gonna go to my pantry, and grab like some cookies or something, or I'm gonna watch a show or I'm going to scroll social media and get like a dopamine hit. So it's like we are wired for that. So when you're working with procrastination, it's like to be really aware of like, Oh, I'm just distracting myself, I'm buffering again, I'm not doing the thing because I'm right, right. And so do you have any you know, like best practices or suggestions for someone who just heard about how this thought model works inside of procrastination that might help them if they're gonna try to, you know, utilize or implement something like this for the first time? Yeah, and I'd say, like this is really just about observing your thoughts. When, you know, if this is the first time you're hearing about it and it's like what, I don't know, this is big or this is I don't fully get it, just observe your thoughts. So if the next time you're feeling that desire to procrastinate, to just notice what are you thinking about the thing that you're putting off, like, what is the thought that you're having? And if it's difficult to nail down the thought, just notice what are you feeling? What's the feeling that's present? And, I want to just make you aware too, that when you notice your thoughts, that you can see your thoughts just as sentences in your mind. It can be like, Oh, I'm having multiple sentences in my mind, I'm seeing multiple sentences in my mind, and just notice how these thoughts, how these sentences, make you feel and what they inspire you to do or not do. Like just begin there, just to begin to be in a place of observing and noticing what's happening around procrastination, like what you're thinking and what you're feeling when something comes up that you don't feel like doing. Yeah, yeah, I've never thought of being able to actually, you know, like visualize your thoughts and words, yeah, sentences before yeah, yeah, detached from it a little bit. Sometimes we think like we can't control our thoughts and, that is true, and that like your brain is just going to think thoughts. You're not trying to eliminate thoughts. And with the thought model process, you're just like, oh, there's that thought again, and and you're noticing it and you're seeing it in your mind and you're also seeing that there's a lot of other thoughts at the same time. You're just noticing all the thoughts that come up around the thing that's in front of you. Yeah, yeah, so I know that you also have, you know, a couple of tips or you know, a few ways to help us actually stop procrastination. So I am dying to hear what those are.

So, as we've talked about, procrastination is really delaying discomfort, right. It's delaying doing something hard and that it's gonna be. Everything is going to feel different for each one of us. So, for for someone listening, it might be like making a phone call it feels really hard, or sending an email, or it might be making a bigger decision than that. But whatever it is, it's it feels really hard and so you want to delay the discomfort. So one of the biggest things is to be prepared and know that you're not going to feel like doing it. So one of the things that is can be a disservice in our world, as we are marketed a lot of the time that like feeling good and following what you love and like that. There's like this quality of always needing to like, love and enjoy, and everything is feeling really good and happy all at the time. And the truth is that, no matter what, when you're going after something and even when you're working on something that you love, there is going to be times where you feel like it, in times when it's fun and enjoyable, and there's going to be times where it's not fun and you don't feel like it, even if it's the work of your dreams and just and when you and when you feel like, I don't feel like doing this, or it's not fun or it's not enjoyable or it's not like rainbow and butterflies all the time, that is not a sign that it's not the right thing for you to do. It's not a sign that you should be doing something else, because it should always be fun or should always feel good, I should always feel like doing this. The truth is that any time you are evolving yourself, any time you're stepping into in the next version of yourself, is there is going to be discomfort of the time. There's going to be an element of this is hard, I don't want to do it, and that is actually a sign that you are stepping into a greater place for you. You are stepping out of a current comfort zone and into a new one, and it is a good sign that if you do that, you're creating something, a new experience for yourself, and they're creating like a new situation for yourself. And so with that is to just know that evolving, stepping into this next version of yourself, doing the thing you're procrastinating, in other words, it is going to be uncomfortable and to just expect that. And with that, here's the thing. This is a really one of the biggest ways to work with procrastination is to be okay in the discomfort, to grow your capacity to feel like, I don't want to do this, this is hard, grow your capacity for discomfort. That's like one of the biggest ways to work your way through it is to just go it is gonna be hard, it's gonna be uncomfortable, I'm gonna do it anyways. And as I'm doing this, I'm growing my capacity for discomfort. Yeah, does that resonate? yes, it does. It's not the thing. It's not like this quick fixed thing, but it is just like it's a really powerful way if you just have in your mind, okay, this is just gonna suck, or like, oh, but this is gonna uncomfortable, but on the other side, I'm gonna have this thing done or I'm gonna have clarity or I'm gonna have, you know, more information. Just focus on that. And it just goes back to properly setting expectations. So, you know, if you're going into something that feels uncomfortable and you have the expectation going into it that it's going to be uncomfortable, then you know you've properly set that expectation. Yeah, and then you don't where? Yeah, exactly, whereas if you just always take the approach of well, I should be always enjoying this and, you know, rainbows and butterflies, you know that's gonna be vastly different than what the reality is, which will feel probably even more uncomfortable. Absolutely, that's spot on. Yeah.

The second way to work through procrastination, and this is just, you know, simple but super powerful, is to actually schedule time to do the thing. So, and I want to be very specific with this, you're going to schedule the time and make that time non negotiable. And here's the way that I see I tell I work with my clients on and how I do this with myself, is that there's all kinds of things in my schedule, in my work that I don't feel like doing because they're uncomfortable. This is what I do as I put it in my calendar and I give myself a specific amount of time to do the thing, like thirty minutes or an hour, and I only allow myself that much time to work on it, like, honest to God, only allow that much time. So the whole time, like I wrote a newsletter this morning and I gave myself an hour to do it. And sometimes I enjoy writing newsletters and sometimes I just want to get it done. You know, I'm like not in the mood. So I'm like, okay, I want to be done by eleven o'clock with this. So I'm writing it, I'm looking at the clock and my whole thing is like I need to get this done and no matter where I'm at with it, it's like I'm closing it up at eleven o'clock and sending it out like that. That you just give yourself you schedule the time and you make that time non negotiable and you get it done during that time frame. And then the third part of that, there's a third little thing with that is you work fast like this is like one of the third ways to like beat procrastination is to work really fast. So when your procrass are, excuse me, when you are in that perfectionist kind of state, you're wanting to perfect things, and then a lot of times is if and if you're procrastinating on putting something out in the world, then you wait until the last minute to do something and then you're working on it last minute and you're you're like getting it done, getting it done, and a lot of times that's when you're not allowing distractions to come in and then you're putting it out into the world. This is like kind of using that same kind of energy, but you're working on it before the last minute and you just work fast. So you give yourself shorter time blocks to work with, and the faster you work on the thing that you don't want to do, the less effort it actually takes to complete it.

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It's just like putting your head down and getting it done. Yeah, I know that's like how you've heard these things before, but this is like the way through, the way through. So asking yourself to work as fast as possible on the task, no matter what it is, helps you to remove like the desire to buffer or to go towards the distractions or to delay in any way, like you're delaying time, wasting. You're just like boo, I'm getting it done, Da, Da, Da, and then move on to this thing and it's the only thing that like, I'm going to allow in right now, you know, for thirty minutes like this, is it? No distractions, nothing except for this task at hand. Yes, yes, can I share one more one more thing? Yes, please, please, don't ever stop sharing. So this is the thing that gets me through every single day. Is this last kind of strategy. It is something I say to myself I don't even know how many times. Done is better than perfect. So if you tend to get into a perfectionist cycle and say with procrastination, done is better than perfect, is like your mantra. So this is about like. So you can get really stuck in like trying to get the thing done because you're afraid of something. Right, perfectionism kind it can take over and you want to get out of that cycle because you want to get your stuff out into the world, no matter what it is and what you're doing. So you've got to think done is better than perfect, do a rough draft or whatever it is you need to put out into the world, and then you just put it out into the world. Yeah, do be minus work, I always I also say this to myself. Do be minus work, like in our culture we're really trained to do like a plus work, but I'm inviting you to consider that B minus work is enough to get it done, get it out into the world, like the only thing that matters, so that you don't get yourself stuck in the cycle is getting it out into the world right, to get yourself into a new rhythm and new pattern of doing something, getting it done, getting it out there, and to just be like B minus work is enough, it is enough, and move on to the next thing. And, you know, even taking that mindset and using it towards something that maybe someone who or just like for a more day to day life. You know, you don't have to make an a plus dinner for your family every night if that takes up a lot of time and you like it and it causes you stress and anxiety. A B minus dinner is going to feed your family also, and you know, like yeah, that's awesome. I also want to say I also want, if for the mothers to also feel like doing b minus parenting is also okay, like if it means that you need to like take care of yourself, like you know, you don't need to show up a d all the time, and to kind of let yourself off the hook of that way as well. Preach, girl, preach, yes, absolutely.

So before we start to wrap up, a couple of listeners did submit some questions that they have for you. I know, I know. So I want to go through those before we actually wrap up. So the first one. Sometimes I find myself in this cycle where my procrastination leads to anxiety and then my anxiety leads to more procrastination. Any tips on getting out of this cycle? What a good question. That's a really good question. I love this question and I'm imagining so many other listeners are feeling the same way. I know I've experienced this myself and it makes sense that there would be anxiety when you're procrastinating because you know you have to get this thing done and it's playing on you. So a lot of times when procrastination is present, there is there's a decision that hasn't been made right you haven't done the thing or you haven't told somebody the thing or, like, you just haven't decided when you're going to do it, and we get caught up in this thing called decision fatigue, which are brain just gets really, really tired of thinking about the thing and holding all the decisions in our minds, and then we can't make decisions very clearly, which can then lead to anxiety. So it makes total sense that that anxiety is there, and I'm imagining also that the anxiety is there because there is some level of discomfort around the whatever you're procrastinating on, like there's this thing that you just aren't wanting to do for whatever reason, and so that's also creating anxiety. So I would just um offer that you take some like a moment to just think about what am I procrastinating on? Why? Like, what are my thoughts about this thing? What am I afraid of here? Am I afraid of doing it wrong? Am I afraid that I don't know how? Am I going to disappoint somebody? Like get clear about that so you understand why the procrastination is happening. And then I encourage you to break the cycle of procrastination and anxiety by us simply getting busy, getting uncomfortable. Like sit down and write a list of what needs to happen, what needs to happen in order for you to to do to get to the point where the thing is done. Is it multiple things? Is it one thing? Can you break it down and take the first tiniest step? When you are not in motion, everything feels really big and really scary and a lot on your plate and very overwhelming. So break it down into the tiniest step. What is the first tiniest thing you can do that will get you into action, and be prepared for it to feel uncomfortable right, and allow that. And, just like I said before, schedule time for you to do this thing, make that time non negotiable and just get it done. Done is better than perfect. That's great advice, great advice, and it makes me excited to ask you this second listener question. Okay, so I don't really procrastinate it. Let me start over. I don't really procrastinate on big things, but I do procrastinate on small things like booking a dentist's appointment or running certain errands. I procrastinate on these things to the point where a whole bunch of them have built up and it just feels like a huge undertaking. How can I make myself get the small things done right away so they don't keep nagging at me? Yes, yes, I feel this and don't grow into something that feels so big. Oh, yes, I totally feel you on this. And my first question it would just be what are you telling yourself with work or the other big things, to get yourself into action? Like, when I read this question, it's like, why is it working? Why are you not procrastinating on the big things, but you're procrastinating on the smaller things. Like what's different? What? What's the what's the thoughts there? Is there the smaller things, like booking a dentist of appointment. Is it self care stuff? Is it something else? But what's different between these actions, between these different tasks, I mean and just pay attention to is it because, like, I don't feel like it, they don't matter, I hate doing this stuff. Like what is it that's there? Like the very, very curious, like the way you're going to break a cycle, no matter where you're seeing a cycle show up, is to really understand the root. And the root comes from our thoughts. So what are you thinking? There's this result of procrastinating on these particular things. So back up from there. What are you thinking about it? Our brain, again, is always wanting to seek pleasure and so it sounds to me like what I read, like booking a dentist appointment or running errands. I see those things as like well, that may matter. There don't sound like they're the funniest things, right, and so your brain, think, your brain is always seeking pleasure, so it's going to hold off on doing anything that's not pleasurable. It's gonna direct you in a different direction. So notice where what your brain wants to do instead, like what the discomforts about what the brain wants to have you do instead. And to also recognize that to get yourself out of this cycle, because your brain wants to like no, we're not gonna do these things, we're not gonna do these things, you're gonna need to exert, like some extra energy to direct the brain away from pleasure and towards the result of what you are going towards. So, like, think about like these, the dentist appointment or the other errands, because the the specific tasks in themselves may not feel interesting enough. Think about the result of those things. Turn your brain towards that, towards the bigger why? And the other thing that makes me think of that I share a lot with my clients, is about there are times when we just indulge in emotion, and procrastination can be one of those emotions where we just allow ourselves to indulge in indulgent regulating means, like we just are, like I'm just gonna like sit in this and just let it take over me and I'm going to use it as an excuse for everything. And so I offer that here just to pay attention. Are you indulging in this emotion of procrastination and can you grow your capacity to be uncomfortable with the things that you like, dentist appointments and other stuff, and just do it and don't indulge in procrastination and instead just go, Oh my God, I'm just gonna do it. I'm going to focus on aid, the command, aid, work fats, get it done, and a strategy that you had mentioned earlier could really, I think, help this person, and that is, you know, putting a time block on your calendar for, you know, thirty minutes just to check these, you know, smaller things off of your list so that you don't procrastinate on them. You know, maybe this person has a thirty minute block once a week, um or twice a week just to check things like this off and get it done, get it out of your brain, because the longer you take to do these things, the longer they're taking up precious real estate in your line. That just absolutely it tires you out and stresses you out and exactly exactly such a good conversation. I don't even want to stop talking.

This is, my final question that I ask every guest. Do you have a life or happiness hack that you find helpful that our listeners might want to adopt for their own lives? I love this question. I the thing that has been such a game changer for me is waking up earlier than my family and ving some time for myself, and for me that looks like either practicing yoga or going outside and taking a walk. Like if that has been like my hack. That has totally up leveled like my energy, my ability to have like capacity for a negative emotion or other people's emotion, to like be inspired, to like come up with ideas and to also get super clear on like that's the time when I hear most clearly. What do I want? What do I want to do with my life? Who Am I? What? What is there that I want to explore? That's been the biggest thing. I love that one. We share that. Yes, and Amanda, just thank you for joining us. Like I said, this is a conversation that I just don't want to stop having because I feel like it has been so helpful, so enlightening, and I have no doubt that the listeners will take loads of helpful information away from this conversation. So, yeah, I know that they're gonna want to know. Where can they connect with you? Where can they find you? Oh, I love it. Thank you, and this has been so much fun. It's been awesome talking with you, Kaitlin.

Okay, so you can find me at my website, soulcareclub.com and then you can also find me on Instagram, soulcare.club, and you can follow me there. But you can also message me and I would absolutely love to connect with you and answer any questions. You have talked further about this be awesome. Yes, yes, and tell us again the name of your podcast. Make things happen. Make things happen. That's what we're all about. Let's make it happen. Right, all right, you guys. If you have enjoyed this episode, send it to a friend. If you enjoy this whole podcast, don't forget to rate, review and subscribe, and while you're at it, go give Amanda's show listen also, right, and review for her also. And you, guys, I will be back next week with another episode of the think happy podcast. I am sure I don't want to say, but I'm sure that next week starts, Um, the highly anticipated angiogram series. So yeah, just get really excited for that and y'all, I'll catch you next time. Thanks from the bottom of my heart. Thank you for joining me for this week's episode of the think happy podcast. If you just can't get enough, find me on Instagram at thinkhappy_co, that's CO, and online atthinkhappyco.com. See you next week!