EP 97: Overcoming Perfectionism, Procrastination, & People Pleasing | Part 2

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Before we start today's episode, I want to give you a heads up that this is a two-parter. Tune into part one today, then come back next week for part two. Enjoy. Hey, I'm Kaitlin Cuevas, the girl behind All Things Think Happy. I'm a wife, mom of two cute and crazy kiddos, and a lover of Golden Doodles, cheesy analogies and pump-up music. I've taught hundreds of women what I'm here to teach you, and that's how to reduce your daily stress, decrease your unproductive time, and most importantly, increase the amount of time you have to pour into you. Join me each week as we dive into topics such as time and task management, increasing productivity, building habits and routines, keeping your cup full, and so, so much more. Welcome to the Think Happy Podcast. Why? Hello, there. Welcome back to the Think Happy Podcast. This is episode 97. Have you submitted your entry for the giveaways that we're doing to celebrate episode 100? Have you? You have three weeks left. Let me first tell you how to enter this giveaway. Then I will tell you the wonderfulness inside the giveaway. To enter, leave a rating and a review on both iTunes and Spotify.

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Each rating and review on each of those individual platforms will count as a unique entry. So that means you can enter up to two times. So leave a rating and a review for the Think Happy podcast on both iTunes and on Spotify. The giveaways will be happening the entire week of October first. So that's going to be Monday through Friday. October first is the week that episode 100 airs. So we are celebrating for an entire week. There are going to be giveaways from various ladies and small businesses that you have heard and loved on the show before. Here is a little bit of a sneak peek at some of the giveaways that are up for grabs. You can snag free coffee beans from KIrby and Luke over at Kirbeans. You can snag a free session with Carly from Balanced Mom Nutrition, a free consultation with Katie Hillburn Interiors, a free DIY plan from Jordan at Wildly Organized. You could also snag a free call with stress coach Elizabeth from Emotionally Healthy Legacy. And the most exciting giveaway that you could win is two weeks free inside of Think Happy's newest program and community called Mom Life.

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So again, start entering now. Go leave that rating. Go leave that review. Take a screenshot of your rating and review and DM it to me on Instagram so that you can officially be entered to win. If you have left a rating and review in the past, that's okay, go find it, screenshot it and send it to me, okay? Now, one more quick reminder before we get to part two of this conversation about procrastination, perfectionism, people pleasing. This last reminder is that mom life will officially be up and running in just two short weeks. So you can start your membership now for early access and for extra bonus materials. Mom-life is a mom-only community and coaching program that has been designed to help moms optimize time, get through endless to-do lists, build sustainable habits and routines all while keeping mom's cup full. For all of the information, go to thinkhappyco.com/mom-life or just send me a DM on Instagram, okay? Inside the program, inside Mom Life, you will be learning all about optimizing time for mamas, to-do lists and task management for mommas, building sustainable routines both for moms and for families, and most importantly, keeping moms' cup full because you serve others better when you serve yourself first.

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So membership is monthly. So you do not have to worry about any long term commitments. Inside each month of your membership, you will receive ongoing access to the on-demand course hub. That's going to look super similar to other course hubs you might have seen from maybe parenting classes like taking care of babies or something like that. So you'll receive ongoing access to the course hub. You will receive one monthly private coaching call just between you and me. That call is going to be great for creating a plan to start implementing some of the things that you learn inside the course hub when you're working on implementing them into your unique day to day life. You'll also get one week of private messaging between just you and me, which is going to be great for when you're actually in it with implementing these new habits, practices, routines, systems, et cetera. And finally, you will get ongoing daily group messaging, which is fantastic for building community with other moms who are in the same boat as you and to get continued guidance and support and encouragement through each month of your membership. Again, for all of the information, go to thinkhappyco.com

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Com/mom-life or just shoot me a DM on Instagram and I will send you all of the information. I'll answer all of your questions. Truly, nothing would make me happier than to see a DM from you asking about this new program and this new community because I am just so thrilled to be rolling this out for the Think Happy community. And with that being said, here is the second of... Words, you guys, here is the second half of my conversation with Dawn and Joy. So okay, so get to the root of it, of getting to the root of when we're falling into cycles like this. I think that it is fair to call it cycles, or at least for me, because I don't constantly feel like I'm in this zone of perfectionism. But I do find myself in cycles and phases of it. But so now that we've talked about the root of it, how do we go about addressing this in a way that helps us move away from perfectionism, people-pleasing, procrastination? How do we get out of the cycle?

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The million dollar question, Dawn.

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This is the big thing, right? Do we get out of it? And in all reality, I'll just say my opinion is it never fully goes away. And I don't believe it should. For me, I am the highly driven, high performer perfectionist more than the other two. The other two happen, but I sit there more often. And I like that part of me when I want to do well on something. I want things to look good. I want to get on it and take action. I want it to be done to the best of my ability. Those are good things about perfectionism. And even people pleasing, to be compassionate, to be empathetic, to be able to gage somebody else's reaction, to be able to assess the room before you make comments. Again, those are good things about people pleasing. And this might surprise you, but taking a moment and hedging on going forward with something because it doesn't feel aligned or because it's uncomfortable, and I need to ask myself, is it uncomfortable because it's new to me and I'm afraid? Or is it uncomfortable because this really isn't where I should be heading? That's a good part of procrastination.

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So every one of these has an upside. And so I think moving away totally isn't necessary, which is good. Yeah. But I think if it's keeping you stuck, then of course, we're going to address it. So to answer your original question, if it's keeping you stuck, then the very, very first thing is we have to stop the judgment because as much as we might think it's a good thing. So, for example, one of the areas where my perfectionism comes out is when it comes to anything that I have a pattern or a habit or a process of doing something and I ask someone else for help. Okay, so it could be something as simple as unloading the dishwasher.

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And if someone else doesn't do it my way, I get frustrated and say, never mind, I'll do it myself. I'm sure we can all think of something where it's like you've asked for help and you're like, just forget it. It's easier if I do it myself. Never mind. I'll just do it myself. Yeah.

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Or maybe you're somebody like me who has your own business and you are overwhelmed doing things that are not moving the needle forward, but you won't turn it over to somebody else because it's going to take too much time and they're not going to do it like you. And so there's no point in you just keep doing something that is totally taking up time that you could be doing better.

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As I'm sitting here, I'm drinking the most delicious cup of Kirbean's coffee. Kirbeans is a wife and husband duo who turned their passion for coffee into a business. They are so sweet and it makes me so happy seeing their business thrive. Now, let me tell you why Kirbeans is thriving. To put it simply, it's because their coffee is amazing. Think Happy has had the honor of getting to pick a Think Happy signature roast. These dark roasted Mexico beans smell like a good day waiting to happen. When brewed, they create the smoothest cup of coffee you have ever tasted. And it is even still good after being preheated. If you're like me and frequently get pulled away from your coffee, you know that's important. And I have a special treat for you. Think Happy listeners receive 15 % off their order of Kirbeans. Head to Kirbeans coffee. Kirbeans is spelled K-I-R-B-E-A-N-S. And use code Think Happy at checkout for your 15% discount. Again, that's Kirbeans coffee code Think Happy for 15% off.

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Okay, so those are the areas where we want to look at it and say, Okay, I have to let go of the judgment. First of all, that I am right. And second of all, that others are wrong.

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Yeah. Or not even at work necessarily, Dawn. I'm sitting here thinking of moms who are so overwhelmed and over their head, just need a break, but can't allow themselves the break because, well, no one else can be mom to these kids like I can. Yeah, that is absolutely true. No one else can be mom like you can. But are you going to better serve yourself and your children if you take a step back? If you let someone else take some of these things off of your plate so that you can serve yourself and then in turn, be even better mom to those kiddos. And that whole time, Dawn, when I first asked you the question and you started off by saying, I don't think it's necessary to 100% move away from these. All I could think about was holy moly, what a beautiful reframe. Each of these, even though I feel like there's negative connotations around them, each of them can be reframed to somehow serving us, to us having these tendencies and being able to look at them as a glass half-full perspective.

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Yeah, absolutely. I think anything that is in our life, we've been using it to protect ourselves. I mean, that's what our brain does. So in what ways is it protecting you that is useful, right? So that's always my curiosity is if I'm doing this, I think it's serving. Could it be useful? Right. And so I think that's the second step, is first, like dropping the judgment, and that's hard. That can take a long time. But second is starting to get curious. Okay, here's that feeling again. I'm feeling like I'm frustrated because no one's doing this like I asked. And it's funny that you brought up the mums part, because when I was a new mom myself, I had my second child. One of my first businesses was running a mums group for first time as mums. Because I myself just had felt so lonely and I wasn't sure what was quote unquote normal and what I should be doing or you're not doing. And so I wanted to provide that in our community. And so we had a mom's group with about 25 of us that would meet every week and then we would meet again just to go for a walk once a week.

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But that was one of the things that we would talk through is if you're exhausted, if you're not sleeping, but your husband comes home and offers to do something, do you actually let him do it? Or are you hovering? Are you stepping in? Are you telling him, Never mind.? No, you don't do it like that. That's one of the places where we see it really strongly, that perfectionism coming out. I think when we can start getting curious and saying, why do I think that's the right way? Why do I think that that's how it needs to be done? Rather than like, no, I'm sure this is the right way because there's probably 50 ways. And ours may be the best way, but is it going to ruin the world if somebody else does it differently. Can you handle it so that you get a break?

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Exactly. Yeah. It's just weighing the pros and the cons in that situation, especially for an exhausted mom.

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Exactly. So something I have heard you talk about on your platform is having less stress and more joy. So how does tackling the three P's joyful.

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Yeah, so this is huge because to me, the whole part of life that often we miss as women is we hop on our hamster wheel and we go day in and day out rinse and repeat, and yet we are unsatisfied. We're discontent. We feel like something's off and we never actually get off the wheel to question it and take some time out to assess. I think when we look at perfectionism and understand that, number one, you are not perfect. Nobody is perfect. I am not perfect. You are never going to reach perfection, because the reality is if you were to hit whatever that pretend perfection thing is, you will find something else to make it even better. So it's never over. We're never saying, okay, I made it. I'm now perfect. I don't need to tweak anything. So we don't get there. And the other problem is if we're reaching for perfection and we're afraid and we decide to procrastinate so we don't do it, then we miss the growth that happens when something doesn't go the way we thought it should, when we have to change gears, when we need to make a tweak, when we learn, Oh, this actually works better.

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So we lose all the growth period. And so as we start to understand that perfection is completely unattainable, it's like literally taking off this massive eye that's watching at all times inside ourselves, judging and saying, Oh, guess what? It's not ever going to happen, so I don't even have to try to achieve that. And it's a huge relief. That's part of the joy.

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Something that that reminds me of that I talk about around think happy is just this notion we are fluid. We go through seasons of life. We're constantly growing. We're evolving. And how it's healthy to lean into that fluidity when we're working on growing and developing ourselves. And it just makes me think of that. As you say here and talk to us about how we're never going to reach 100 % perfectionism. And even if we do, when we get to that point, how we view perfect, there's a really good chance that it's not going to be what we think is perfect anymore because we are fluid and changing.

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Absolutely.

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Yeah.

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So. Okay, as we start to wrap up here, I'm actually really glad that you brought up the just we're never going to be perfect. We're not ever going to be perfect when we're tackling the three P's. We're not ever going to be perfect in any area of our life. And it leads me to this one final question, because there's like, how can we lean into and enjoy being imperfect?

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Oh, I love this question. So I think that the great part of growth when you're starting to recognize that you want this to change is the fact that you can say to yourself, I wonder how many areas today that I could notice that I want to lean into perfection, first of all, and how many of those areas and I would literally during the day, if you notice it, just jot it down at some point. Oh, a little obsessed with how the sandwiches were being made by the kids today. So just jot it down. And then being able to say, how can I compliment, whether it's yourself or somebody else, how can I compliment the attempt at whatever it is that we did? Because every time that you compliment yourself, every time you appreciate how you went about it, you're in the moment, first of all, you're in the moment. And secondly, you're able to say to yourself, good job. It's that pat on the back that we talked about. Good job. I would encourage you to take this on maybe as a bit of a mantra for a while. That's good enough.

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That is good enough. Yeah. God, that is so powerful because also going back to this notion of fluidity, are good enough is going to look different.

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Each day. It could look different in different hours of the same day. And as long as we're putting forth what we have available to put forth in that moment, that is good enough.

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Yeah, it is really great.

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Sorry, I think I lost you for a quick second.

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I lagged for a moment there.

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Yeah okay. A lag.

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Okay, made note of it. There we go. Okay, where were we when you heard the lag?

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I don't remember. I think I was going to add on and I just stopped because I could see the lag.

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No worries. No worries. Okay, Luke, I'm picking back up with the last question. Okay, Dawn, so now like I said, that was not the last question, because here is the real last question. My favorite question that I ask every guest that comes on the Think Happy podcast, do you have a life or happiness hack that you use in your own life that the listeners might want to...

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So my favorite hack is when I first wake up in the morning, I sit up in bed. I sit up so I don't fall back to sleep, so I sit up in bed. And I just close my eyes for a moment and I think about what do I want to feel today? I allow myself to feel whatever feeling I'm really looking for. And sometimes when it's a busy day, it can be just the feeling of peace throughout the busyness or the feeling of happiness or curiosity or excitement. But I'll sit in the morning the very first thing and just feel a feeling that I want for that day. And it feels like then after my entire day is happier, more productive, more peaceful because I don't think about all the stuff that's about to happen, but rather just what is the feeling I want in it?

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Yeah. What a beautiful way to start your days. I really like that. So where can the listeners find you?

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I think the easiest place is probably at my website, which is pursueprogress. Com, and that will get you to my podcast and to my coaching and to any of my freebies. But that's the easiest place, just pursueprogress.com.

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Amazing. Well, thank you so much for hanging out with us. I have thoroughly enjoyed this conversation. I think I've been smiling ear to ear the whole time like my jaw is starting to ache. I think that's a sign of a good talk.

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Yeah, I feel the same way, Kaitlin. It is awesome to be able to chat with you. I can't wait to share you on my podcast with everybody, too.

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Yes, you guys. So go tune in there. And my friends, I will be back with you next week for another brand new episode of The Think Happy Podcast. Thank you for joining me for this week's episode of The Think Happy Podcast. I would so appreciate it if you could leave a rating and review. And if you just can't get enough, find me on Instagram @thinkhappy_co, that's co, and online at thinkhappyco.com. I'll be back in your ears next week with another episode of The Think Happy Podcast.