EP 114 &115: Navigating Challenges & Prioritizing Self-Care in Motherhood with Kimberly Tara

Kimberly, welcome, welcome to the Think Happy Podcast. How the heck are you today?

We're good. We had technical difficulties. I had kids sleeping late. Right.

It's just your average Tuesday here.

It's just your average Tuesday. You know what? And that's kind of a lot of what we're here to talk about today. But before we get into that, introduce yourself to us, who are you? Tell us about your family. Tell us about your business. Yeah.

So I always like to lead with my family because I realized when I first started doing podcast guesting or any type of speaking, I would always jump in with my business and how we help and what we do and I'd be like, oh, and I have these four kids and you know, and sometimes I would even forget, oh, by the way, or I'd even forget, you know, be like, I'm a mom. So, so I am, I'm a wife. I'm a mom. I've been married my husband and I were actually coming up on 10 years next next year.

So we're super excited. Thank you. Yeah, we're super excited trying to figure out how we celebrate and like we want, we like to travel. So we're trying to figure out but we have four little kids and so coordinating that is, is a whole, that is a whole podcast episode right there. So our kids are just turned 7 5 3 and 18 months. So I like to do the math for everyone. They are all 22 months apart. It was important to me.

Thank you. Really truly are because I mean, as you already know this by now, my two kids are also 22 months apart and I'm done like I am not having any more but you have a girl and a boy, right?

I do, I do. Yeah. Yes. And I think absolutely, like I'm a planner like they're like, I'm a CPA and I'm a planner. And if you'd asked me 20 years ago, 10 years ago, I, I two, like we were gonna have two kids. We were going to be this whole family of four. I was gonna have a girl and a boy, boy and a girl. That part didn't matter. And my husband was kind of like either way he, he, I, he was a guy.

He hadn't really thought about that like he hadn't dreamt his whole life like how many kids he was going to have and what, what order and what genders and all the things. And so then we had our second boy and our first he wasn't, he wasn't unplanned, he was untimely we weren't quite ready to, to start our family. Yeah. Yeah. And so, because we don't want, we don't want any of them to ever think that they were unplanned that he just came a little sooner.

We were, you know, because we were only 23 when we got married. So I was, I had just turned 26 when he was born. Right. And so, like, that's not super young, but it's not old by any means. And so the timing obviously worked out perfectly because I was, I was gonna have two. I was gonna have one at 20 and one at 30. So we had, I remember we had our second son, we were still sitting in the hospital.

So I have three boys and a girl and I remember telling my husband or second he was like an hour old. We were just sitting in the morning light coming through the ho the hotel room, the hospital room, you know, kind of like a hotel room.

The best thing I've ever heard.

Hotel hospital, tomato, tomato, whatever. Look, look the the having the fourth baby and having the three boys at home.

That was a freaking hotel stay. Ok?

Like this is so great. This is this one bringing you food, bringing you medicine.

I only had one child, I only have one child to care for, right? Like the other three were at home like that was a hotel stay y'all. but with the second, it wasn't that bad. Yeah, we only have one at home. And so I just remember telling my husband, I was like, we're not done. Like, I don't, I don't feel done. I was like, obviously not right now, you know, just, just pushed a human out of me.

But it was just, it was such, I'm, I'm fortunate with easy pregnancies. I did not have an easy delivery or recovery for my first, which was abundantly clear with my, with my subsequent recoveries. but his, the second, it just, it went so well and I told him I was like, we're not done. And, so it wasn't a really hard decision to have a third. It was a very back and forth decision to have 1/4.

Just, we really felt like we were creeping into that big family territory. I was already feel, you know, finances travel was a big one. because we love to travel. So going from 5 to 6 and the cost and just the logistics of that, it was, it was a lot of conversation back and forth and it wasn't because we wanted the girl, but that was part of the conversation, right?

Was that we, we needed to be at peace with the fourth boy. We weren't having another baby. You know, everybody's like, oh, you're going to try for the girl, you know, and I could get into stories about people commenting like, oh, are you done? Are you going to have another? Because if we'd had a girl for a third, right. They'd have been like, so you're done, right?

You're not having anymore. But because we had a boy, it was like, well, you know, are you gonna, are you gonna try for the girl? And we weren't, we just, you know, we had to be at peace with having another baby and we were and so it was funny we were driving back from Disney World and so after a week of being in Disney World around a bajillion, people spent a ton of money probably had some meltdowns along the way.

Although our kids are travel troopers. I told my husband in the car, I was like, I think we would regret 10 20 years from now not having another baby. And the time is now because a lot of people were like, you're still so young, you know, I must have been, I don't know, 30 ish. And so they're like, you have so much time and I'm like, no, we're, we're getting this stuff done right now.

We're in it. Yeah, like we're moving on and, and there's a piece of me and look, this is just my philosophy. This isn't a right or wrong. We didn't want to have a 12 year old and, and a six month old because that's not fair to the 12 month old who now needs to be home for the six month old. And that's not fair to the six month old who now needs to be on the go for the 12 month old.

Like, I already feel bad enough for Vivian at, at eight, 18 months, you know, I mean, she is such a trooper keeping up with those boys. Right. and, and we're not even doing a whole lot because our oldest is only seven. And so, you know, it, it kind of was a now or never. And we ultimately said, you know, I was like, when, when I, you know, they say like picture your Christmas table or your Thanksgiving table 20 years from now.

And what do you want it to look like? And you know, the whole, like, you'll never regret not having it, you never regret having another one. You will regret not having another one that was really what we allowed to, to drive us to make that decision. Putting away like the logistics and the finances and all the practical reasons to not have a four.

I don't have any more time. I think that I'm, I'm a very practical person, I'm a CPA through and through. But I really do think that that was a decision that needed to be made with like heart and gut and not, not brain and wallet. So we decided so, yeah, so we have three boys and a girl. So I'm a mom. Life is crazy at home. Our oldest son was diagnosed with autism at 3.5.

So he is high functioning on the spectrum. We're actually just starting the process of evaluating our current three year old. We're seeing a lot of similarities at this age with him. So, that has been very interesting for me to navigate and very humbling because my brain is very much I would say neurotypical. And so that has been a learning and humbling experience for me, trying to adjust my ways of doing things so that I can meet them where they're at and be the best mom for them.

And then on the business side, so I'm a CPA, I'm a certified tax coach. I've had my practice for 7.5 years now. So I actually didn't know I was pregnant when I had already given my resignation in public accounting to start my own business. Because he was a little, a little untimely, it wasn't on my radar. I was, I was like, I was like eight weeks pregnant before I even like, like it dawned on me to take a test like that, that was what was happening.

I had like excuses for why everything was happening, I guess. And so yeah, I was like 10, I was like 10 weeks along by the time we like went to the doctor and got confirmation and all that. So it's just kind of funny. It was the shortest pregnancy ever because I didn't really know until like, basically 10 weeks and then he came at 36 weeks. So it was like, literally the shortest pregnancy ever.

My oldest came at 36 weeks and then my youngest was scheduled at 37. So I have a girlfriend right now. She actually lives on my street who is like 37 weeks in change right now. And I was like girlfriend. I literally have no idea what that feels like. I applaud you so much because I know how miserable it is. You know, even like 36 and change, I've never made it. Yes.

That, yeah. No. So then my second was 39 2 for an induction and we, he was after we had a miscarriage in between, our first and our second. And so, you know, we were trying for our second. So I was like watching. So I knew it three weeks that I was pregnant and then I had to go all the way to 39 weeks and he's a September baby and I live in New Orleans and it's hot and I was chasing a 20 month old around and it was the longest pregnancy ever known to mankind of this baby out of me.

So it's just so, you know, it's just little things like that that are so funny. So, yeah, I started my business, I've basically grown my practice and my family at the same time and in our tax practice, we serve CEO mom service providers. We do tax planning and tax strategy. And so basically we are here to help our CEO moms keep more money in their pockets and do it in a way.

That keeps them on the financial and tax side of their business where they really feel like they have a relationship with their CPA because that is something that is just so missing out there. You know, it's, it's, it's shocking to me that in the year 2023 how male dominated the accounting and financial world still truly is.

And we just so many more women and moms especially becoming business owners. And so we're out there to be that resource for them in, in a supportive way, in a safe way. And so I, I love what I do, I love being a mom. But I also will not lie. I really love working and the impact that we make for our clients.

Oh, that's beautiful. I love that. I really do love that.

It's not, it's not some poster speech that, you know, it's like you need your elevator speech and I just have to wing it every time there comes from the heart, from the heart and that's what matters and you can tell that it does.

So, ok, so this conversation is one that I really have been looking forward to, first of all.

Like, because every time we talk it's like best parts of my day and, and we're gonna be in real life friends, IRL friends.

IRL, well, because I'm in Houston, I really could be IRL friends for sure.

I've kind of been wanting to take, have you ever been to Lafayette, Louisiana?

Yeah. My husband's actually from there.

Well, we should just meet there because I kinda wanna go there and get out of the city. It's so cute there and just like, quaint and one of my friends lives there. So we'll just do a meet up in Lafayette one time.

That's perfect. That's perfect. Have you ever eaten at, is an Old Time Grocer. They have the most delicious poboys. It's in Lafayette and then there's, Juda in which is the hamburger place.

So, I've never actually, like, really, like, been there, been there to, like, stay there. Like, I've been once for, like, a cheerleading competition but we went for the day and, like, we stopped there on our way to Houston, you know, all the evacuations. I mean, I've driven through it a million times to evacuate but we've, I've never, like, actually gone and, like, stayed there and, like, stay from Friday to Sunday to, like, experience it.

Yeah. Yeah. So we should do a little place. It's a very cute little place. I'm totally down for that. So, ok, so, so we, this conversation OK, so, so many reasons why I'm excited about it. I'm like my brain is on overdrive right now. First of all, I know that every single woman who listens to this is going to be able to insanely relate to this topic and, and that is just the 24 7 juggle of life, personal life, work, life, all the lives, all the juggles.

So to get us started, I'm going to start off with a big hitter. What we've already talked about some of these, but what are the components of your personal juggling act? And how do you handle the juggle? Yeah.

So recently I feel like not very well, if you'd have caught me like six months ago, I'd be like, I am so on top of it, I'm on fire. I was actually talking to one of my business coaches, via boxer the other the other night. And she's like, ok, I'm just, I haven't even gotten to the business portion of your V yet, but I'm gonna stop you right here. 

She's like, you, you are a powerhouse and you're sitting here telling me all of this stuff as if it's a blip on the radar and we've just, we've had a, a lot of personal things going on and if you want to recap, you can go listen to the CEO Moms Building Wealth Podcast, episode, I don't know, 65 ish probably, I, I kind of lay it all out there even like cry on the podcast. 

And I was like, Kimberly, you are not this emotional person, but like, it was just like, it was almost cathartic in a way. We've just had so many personal things going on and you know, if, if you're a CEO mom out there, even if you're just a mom, you don't even have to be a CEO mom life with kids has so many highs and lows. 

It's, there's so many seasons, a roller coaster of emotions of physical sleep and needs and all the things. And so we have been in just a really rough season with some issues at school with our, you know, special needs kiddos. some things going on with my husband's work, some things in my business and it, it has just been, it has been a lot, a lot, a lot.

And so she's like, you know, I want you to stop and like, recognize that what you handle in in a four hour period that there are many people that literally would just crumble. They would, they would just, they would just go, go crawl into bed and just, just get in the fetal position and she's like, you're just like blowing through it. She's like, so if you need to come to me and just tell me that, like, it's awful.

I feel like it's all falling apart. I know I'm going to pick it up tomorrow, but I feel like it's all falling apart. She's like, that's ok. You can come tell me that. And that's something that I'm working on acknowledging because I am the type of personality, you know, I'm an Enneagram three high achiever. I can, I have realized that, that what my capacity for what I can handle is infinitely higher than, than many people.

And that's, that's not like a, oh, I'm so good or, oh, look at me. it's, it's just a reality and sometimes it is truly to my detriment, right? Because like it's, it's unhealthy almost to say, yeah, I can do it all. But should I do it all? Do I need to do it all. and so, you know, the Juggling Act has been very difficult here recently. I really feel like we've been in a season of, of surviving and this isn't the first time that we've been in a season of surviving.

I know that we're going to get to the other side of that. And I know that this isn't the last time that we're gonna feel like we're in a season of surviving. And so, right now we are in a season of surviving. You know, if you go listen to some other podcasts that I've been on, I talk about my morning routine. I wasn't lying. I had a morning routine. I have no morning routine right now.

Right now I have, get some sleep right now. I have get the kids up and out the door. Get yourself looking presentable. That's, that's the morning routine right now, right. And it's ok, it's ok. My husband's waking up and leaving at 4 a.m. He doesn't get home until about 6:15 p.m. That's six days a week. He has one off day. So I am solo parenting right now.

Shout out and kudos to all the moms out there because, oh my gosh, I like, don't know how they, I don't know how they do it. And so it is and then, and, and it's also tough because we have like this emotional component of like him not being here. 

And so that's really messing with like our kids and, and, and what they're perceiving and, you know, like they've started asking where's daddy and I'm like, you know, daddy's at the power play at like what, you know, but they're asking because it's like, it's weighing on them. 

So I have to step in more emotionally for them as well. Right? And so it's not just the physical, like I'm the one here all the time. But also like being there for them, how they need me more. So but some things that I will say in happier times and before you go into that, I just want to say so we were just in a season of survival and it is freakishly similar to yours. Granted, I have two kids. You have four. My husband, I want to say that that doesn't matter.

Right? Like I know, I know that with each like added child, like it does add an extra human that needs me. But like I also want to acknowledge like for the moms out there, like if you only have one child or if you have an older child, like, don't say, oh, she's got it harder because she has four. Like I think we could all say that right?

Like, oh, it's not, I've, I've tried that like, oh, it's not as bad for me because, you know, we don't have six kids or whatever, like, realize that where you are and what you're going through, like, acknowledge that it is difficult for you because it's relative to what you know. Right. It's like when a mom says, like, when a, when a first time mom is complaining about her pregnancy, it's like, oh, well, just wait till your second one and you've got to chase a kid around. Well, yeah. Ok. Granted that is a little bit harder.

But for this mom in the here and now who's experiencing her first pregnancy, that's all she knows. And it is difficult, you know. Yeah, exactly. So I just want to that because I even working on that, like not saying like, oh, you know, well, you know, we're not worried about losing our house or, oh, we're not worried about where our next meal is coming from because I do say that because I do think that those are blessings that we're not worrying about those things. But what, what coaches and therapists have told me is like, yeah, but don't minimize what you're going through is someone else out there might have it harder.

Yeah. Yeah. No, it's so true. so I also am an Enneagram Three. And so, so the, the, the survival season that we were just in, my husband was gone. Actually in Laplace, which he flew into New Orleans 20 minutes away from me. Like I would have been so jealous if you got to go have dinner at your house in the chaos of our house. Do you really think he wanted to come to the chaos of our circus here?

He probably would have loved it because most meals he ate in his hotel room by himself.

I know I understand he does that he can totally come hang with us, but he was gone for 12 days straight.

And that was, that was really tough. And you know, like the kids and I, we got into our own routine, our own swing of things, but something that I found so interesting. So Eleanor who is almost three never once told me that she missed daddy, but she was telling other people that she missed daddy. And I'm still like, I'm still trying to process that. Like, I don't know if she wasn't thinking about it as much like, when, when I was around or if for some reason she didn't want to say it to me.

II I, I'm still really trying to figure out that I wouldn't overthink it.

She's three. We overthink things for our kids. I feel like, you know, it's like, why did you know, like, why did you say that? Why did you, why did you, why did you write that? Why did you do that? And like, I don't know and they really don't. Like, that's something I, I think that's like our ingram three is coming out that we need to know like, no, there had to be more thought behind it. No, there probably wasn't much thought behind it because I wouldn't overthink it.

She's OK. Well, that's good.

Yeah, we are not off the list.

Stress about his mom and it's like, OK, like I think definitely like that's one thing having four kids. It's relaxed me more and like, I've like my Enneagram three and it like, I've just had to learn to like let go of some stuff and those are the things I Yeah, it's like, yeah, Kimberly, you're, you're the only one here laying awake at night worrying about why she told other people that she miss daddy and she didn't tell me she literally had no thought process behind it. Go to sleep. Girl, don't, don't worry about that anymore.

But letting go of things like man, that is so much easier said than done. I have a whole episode on saying no to the good things so that you have the bandwidth, the capacity, the time, the energy to say yes to the great things. And I just think that's such a good way for moms to view this, right? Because like so many things feel good, right? And we don't want to like, well, if I say no to this, is this going to impact like my child this way?

Is this going to impact my family's future this way? You know, and just because sometimes we like let go of things doesn't mean that, you know, maybe it's saying no to, I don't know, to some opportunity with work, you know, we say no, because like we just really truly do not have the bandwidth right now.

That doesn't mean it's no for forever.

But the thing is not, maybe it's not a no, it's just a not right now.

Yeah. Yeah, exactly. Exactly. Ok. So I cut you off when we were going to flip your season of struggle into a glass half full I think is where you're heading.

I, I always, I always try to be positive.

And so so some of the things that we do do. So again, I'm an integra. I, the I'm a high achiever. I'm an overthink, I'm very detail oriented. All of those qualities make me an incredible CPA and tax strategist. Sometimes they don't make me an incredible wife. And mom and human being.

Everybody's like, no, God is not true.

You are my big to differ with my overanalyzing and overthinking and overachieving personality and I'm a visionary through and through and so like, I have an idea and he's like, we haven't finished the last five ideas that you brought to. The point. I'm that person. bless his heart for putting up with me. So no, a couple, a big thing has really been, oh, and I want to come back to the good, not great.

I have a story since we last talked about that when you were on the podcast and we kind of talked about that remind me to talk about the good, not great. But I would say that just letting go and letting other people help and I'm still working on the whole, like asking for help. That's still a work in progress but allowing others to help and really delegate.

And so that looks like help in the home and help in my business. And so I've really, we've had periods when, when my business was newer. because I was a solo prene for the 1st 5.5 years. It was, it was just, I actually really, I should say six years. It's only really been the last year and a half that I've had help and I just had some part time help. 

Now I have a whole team and we could talk about that, but I have more help on, on the home side, right with, Sitters and caretakers for kids while I would go to work. and things like that. We're in a season more where I, I have more help in my business so that I can be more present at home. I need to be more present right now with, with some of the things going on with our, with our two our two boys. So asking for help and letting people help you and letting go of the way that you want things done. 

That's so hard when I it is, it is a compulsion to not redo the dishwasher when somebody else has loaded it and it's not loaded in the way that I want it loaded like it's, it's really hard, but I'm working on it and I will honestly tell you why I'm working on that more. So because of the person who did it is I heard either this podcast or this audible. I don't remember where I heard it, but it talked about it was a parenting type book and it said, don't go and redo something that your child did that they're proud of.

So the example that they used in this, it must have been a book I was listening to and it was an example in a book and the eight year old daughter had cleaned her room and she was like mommy, mommy look, I cleaned my room and what they were getting at was, you know, like it wasn't, the jacket wasn't put up in the right spot and the, and the toy bin wasn't in the right spot.

But for all intents and purposes, this eight year old had cleaned her room and she had done a good job. And most importantly, she was proud of how well she had cleaned her room. And so as parents, we can't go back in there and start moving things around and saying good job. But or well, what if we do this, we just have to say great job door and walk away.

And so that is something that I am being very mindful of because I am a recovering perfectionist who's working on not being a perfectionist just saying that I have high standards, it's ok to have high standards. But I don't want to impose some of these personalities that I have and some of these qualities that I have that are above board and don't really serve me well, I am a first child, right?

Like I, I do want you to, if you haven't read the birth order book, I highly recommend it talks about why we are the way we are. And everything in there is to a T me, a lot of first borns are engineers, accountants, doctors, lawyers, things like that. We like things a certain way. And so you know, I'm really trying not to impose that on my kids because, you know, I see some of that in our seven year old already that like he's, he's got that little bit of anxiety.

He wants everything to be perfect. He wants it to be great and he wants to please us and I don't want him to feel that way and I don't want him to think that that he's never not good enough or what he does isn't good enough. And so that has honestly been some, the most eye opening, things for me is that I don't want my kids to see that. I don't want to go back and redo their work that, that they're so proud of themselves for at five and for how they did something.

So I'm trying to also let that be on, on what other people do too. And to say, you know what the dishwasher was loaded, the clothes were done, maybe they weren't done exactly the way that I would do them or how I want them done, but it's done. And we've even like right now there are four laundry hampers sitting around the house, clean, they're not picked up, they're not folded, but you know what, it's clean clothes and we can, and we can pull clean clothes.

And so I'm pretty proud of myself that like, we don't have overflowing, dirty laundry. We have overflowing, clean laundry and not ever make it into a drawer before they got worn. That's literally the season of life that we're in. But we've had seasons where we had somebody coming in, picking up our laundry and helping us, you know, they would take the laundry and they would bring it back.

And so I think that sometimes we go through different iterations in our lives, different seasons where we need different things to help us juggle. And so a big part of my juggle has been letting go of the things that I don't need to worry about letting go of the things that don't need to be done at all, letting go of things that others can do. And I really honestly think that that is letting go of like, I look around the house and I'm like there is stuff everywhere and it drives me nuts.

I know that when you walk into most people's houses, they look like ours, but I, I don't like it personally. I like a clean tidy house where things are put as much as possible. but I've had to look everything but right now everything does not have its place and it, it's kind of, you know, it gets to me a little bit and I'll, you know, probably there's a day coming pretty soon over over the holidays where I'm, I'm just gonna like mad clean everything and I'm just gonna be on this roll.

But I think that's, that's my best advice. My newest best advice for juggling is know that the juggle is going to look different in different seasons of your life. And so your juggle might look like we have a really strict routine. I get up. I have my morning routine, we have our night routine, we have our days down. This is what it looks like and that feels really good.

And then the next season, the juggle might look like we're just getting by and we don't have routines, but that's ok because we're getting it done when and how we can get it done. And so that's something that I think we all need to hear more because, you know, we, we hear everybody talk about the perfect morning routine, the perfect nighttime routine.

Here's the first three things I do in the morning. Here's the last three things I do at night and I think that everybody can have seasons where that is the case where you have a great routine. But I also think that there are seasons where you just, you just can't, it's just humanly impossible for us to really have a great routine right now. and I hope we're gonna be out of this season soon.

I really hope we're gonna be out of this season soon. I think we have a couple more weeks. and then it'll get a little bit better, but that's like my best struggle advice right now is letting go of the things that don't matter. you know, asking for help where you can ask for help. And also I would say, depending on the ages of your kids, my kids are really involved is a good word.

Like we, they have responsibilities and they have chores and I, I have a whole podcast episode on like what the difference of responsibilities versus chores for our kids. I probably need to update it because we have new things that they do. but like last night, you know, our seven year old he made the sandwiches for he and his brothers for school.

Right? Like, I do the dishes and he's, and people are like, he's been making his sandwich since he's 5.5, 6. And I'm like, yes. Yeah, he can. Right. Our four year, our now five year old, he's been moving the laundry since he was four, right? Like, we have the front loader so he can take it out of the washing machine and move it into the dryer. Yeah.

And so, you know, and so I think it's really, it's a different mentality when you come from like a one or two kid household when you start getting to like this 4 5 6 kid household because I came from a two kid household. and like a little more traditional. I have a younger brother. And so, like I was expected as the girl to do more of those things. But my boys like they're going to do laundry, they're gonna cook, like they're gonna be really great husbands when they leave this house.

That is my job as, as their mom, as a boy mom. and so because sometimes my, my mom will say she's like, he's only four, he shouldn't be moving clothes or, you know, he's only six, he shouldn't make a sandwich. And I'm like, no, he's perfectly capable because there are four of them and one of me and I, they need to learn to help. And so I will say too that, like, we're just starting to feel a little bit of that, like with our, and our seven year old in some ways is a little behind with his autism.

Like some things, he's very ahead and then some things, it's like a little bit of a challenge. so we're really just starting to feel that like he ran up and got a, a nighttime water in a bottle from upstairs and brought it down while I was doing the dishes. And I was like, that was so great that just saved me 90 seconds of running up the stairs and back down the stairs and, you know, so they can throw their trash away and they put their plates in the sink after dinner and so little things like that. 

And so, you know, especially if you have little kids too. I'm here to tell you that like, my kids aren't that old, but even at seven and five, we're starting to feel like a little bit of that reprieve of having help. So that's my best struggle.

I think that that just like goes that kind of like teed me up for this reminder that I say very frequently. And like, it's hard to, to, to, it's something that I also have to remind myself a lot and that is that like seasons come and go, like, you can always be 100% certain that seasons come and go and, you know, like we thankfully, like, I can look back on the, the tough season of like, definitely surviving, like, not really much thriving.

That was just, you know, a week and a half ago and I can look back and be like, yeah, that was a really tough season, but I did it and my kids were fed every day. My kids had a roof over their head, clean jammies, heck clean clothes for school, you know, like in like, like we need to cut ourselves some slack because, you know, kind of like going back to this, you know, the saying no to the good yes to the great, like doing our best.

I think it's so important to remember that we're all just doing our best, right? And it's so interesting because, you know, a lot of times I think social media gets a bad rap for this and it is true, you know, social media is a highlight reel but I think that it's deeper than that, you know, because from the outside looking in, you know, outsiders get this impression or, you know, have this perspective that other moms are able to do it all.

And, you know, I, I, I think it's just, you know, I don't know if we're wearing rose colored glasses when we come or when it comes to looking at other people's lives. Because, you know, for me personally, when I'm feeling in an unhealthier phase or season personally, you know, it's not just moms that I see on social media, it's moms even that like I am friends with and that I know very well.

So I know that this is not just something that social media, is, is like putting into my head and it's just, I really think that we're so accustomed just to being harder on ourselves than we are on other people. And, you know, I don't want, this episode is not about the Enneagram, but it's so interesting that we're both threes that we're both firstborns, you know, yada yada yada.

But I do think with, with certain Enneagram types, threes, eights ones, you know, we hold ourselves to such high standards and it is beautiful in some areas of life and like I'm going to reuse your own words. It is definitely to our detriment in other areas of life.

It is. And, you know, I think it's, I think it's all of us starting to have the awareness and the conversation around it. Right. Because recently, over so, over the Thanksgiving holidays, which we just had here recently. there were a couple of nights where, you know, I just, I had tons of work to do and I was like, you know, we're just going to have a family movie night.

That's something so special for the kids. We stayed with our seven year old one night. I don't remember. I don't remember why he was up late. Our five year old, I think he had like gotten in trouble or something like that. So he had to go to bed early and early. It was like 7:30. He just, he didn't get to stay up late. And so, and the three year old and the one year old were already asleep.

And so we were supposed to play a board game, but then the five year old, whatever, he's had a little attitude recently. So he didn't get to play the board game. And so then our seven year old was like, well, if he's not down here, can we watch Secrets of the Whales? He's our animal lover. So we, he loves National Geographic. And so I was like, all right, dude.

And so we had the tree up already after Thanksgiving and so fun. So like we had the light of the tree, the lights, the rest of the lights were out my husband was home from work. It must have been his off day. So he wasn't quite, I was tired and so, I was like, yeah, let's watch Secrets with Ro and, you know, no computer, no phone. Like, because, you know, I'm, I've tried to be better about, like, not sitting there on my computer or my phone all the time.

Right. when we're doing something like this watching what he wanted and then he was like, mom, I'm hungry again because it was like 845. He was so past his bedtime at this point. I was, he was like, can I have like a chewy bar or something? I was like, would you like some popcorn and his eyes because we don't do popcorn until six in our house? And so it's a very special treat and he doesn't get it around anybody else because they, they're not six yet and his eyes lit up and he's like, this is the best night ever. 

It's just me and y'all and I'm watching the Whales and now I get popcorn and it's like, oh my God, what is supposed to be me? Right? Like that like that, that's the reminder to slow down and create the memories. And what's hard about that sometimes with four of them is, you know, if you do that, if you pick one night a week to do that with each kid, that's four nights a week, there's only seven nights in the week to do that.

Right. And so that's the hard part sometimes with having four of them and making sure that they get equal amounts of time. And so sometimes it, like, slips through our fingers right before you, you know what you're like, we haven't spent any really quality one on one time with our kids. And so, it's little things like that. And so after that night, it's like, you know, Kimberly, it's like, just let us have the family movie night, the work, the work will always be there.

And that's such a hard, hard thing for me to, to, to tamp down and remind myself that that the work is not going anywhere but, but their, their lives and, and the ages and their innocence that is going somewhere that is very fleeting. And so, you know, kind of how you were saying earlier in the podcast. You're like, I'm saying this out loud, but I need to say it to myself too.

Like when I'm saying that out loud and I'm telling that to my listeners, it's a reminder for myself too that I wanna, I wanna, I wanna practice what I preach and I want to make sure that, you know, even though I have these business goals, even though it's so important to me to meet my business goals and to make an impact in our clients lives and to support them and to do all of these incredible things that at the end of the day, my, my most and my biggest priority is, is being a mom and not missing out on these moments because they really are fleeting.

And so sometimes I feel like I'm constantly at war with myself, right? Like I want to do the work, but I want to be here with you. And so, you know, just if you feel that way too, you know, if you're listening and you feel that way, know that you're not alone, I think it's very common for a lot of us to feel that way.

For me, something that I struggle that's pretty similar to that is I have a very hard time sitting down on the sofa, you know, watching a movie do doing whatever it is. If I know that there is work or chores that I could also be doing, it is so hard I feel like, and this is something that I'm constantly, constantly working on. because I'll have this voice in my head that says Caitlin, you're wasting your time, you know that there's clothes in the laundry, you know, that the lunches need to be made that there's these emails from that you haven't responded to whatever it might be, whatever it might be. 

But you know what, sometimes, choosing not to do those is actually the best use of your time. Yeah, 80 g threes don't sit idly very well. It really is. A curse.

I mean my friends, so we went to the Bahamas with our friends. It was a couple's trip with our friends from college. We recently went. And so they told me they're like, and you can't bring a business book. And so I didn't bring a business book. I brought the birth order book because I needed to finish it. And so here I am like pulling it out. They're like, that is still like, no, like you need a trash book to read.

Like you cannot read the birth order book. And so I did, I downloaded a trash book on my kindle and because I have my ipad and I have my Kindle on my and so I was like, I missed this so much because like I listen to audibles and podcasts because as a mom of four kids, like the last thing I want to do is read, I have books sitting on my nightstand that I couldn't get on audible.

And like, I just don't, I want to read like I'm just tired, my head hits the pillow, my brain turns on. I'm trying to like turn it off. And so I just don't have a lot of time to open a book and read, but I can listen to audibles and that's been an incredible way to still have knowledge and learning and nourish this part of your brain. But it's not the same as like opening a physical book and it's always, it's always a business book or a parenting book or a development book.

Great. And so I was like, I finished that book in like a day and I was like, I missed that so much, like, just being able to read for fun and not taking notes and not thinking about, oh, what if I did that in my business or what would that look like in my business or? Oh, that's something that I can share with my clients. Right. And so I think sometimes we just need those reminders to like, just sit idly.

Right and just be, and I think that even just sitting on the sofa and watching a movie or sitting on the sofa and reading a book, I, I don't really love scrolling mindlessly on social media. I don't think that that's a good use of your time sitting idly. That's just me personally. but, you know, just going back to things that we used to do for us.

And again, it's really hard to be like, well, I shouldn't read this book because I should do the laundry or I should do the dishes or I should be playing with the kids. But it's like, no, that's a time where we're like feeding part of who we are too.

And we forget that I recently did a podcast collaboration with a gal who lives in San Diego who has a show all about book flights. So the concept of the show is her guests pick a flight of three books. And it was such a fun show to be on because first of all putting together my flight was, that was a lot of fun. But when she was on my show, we talked a lot about like creating time to like do things for yourself.

And how for her reading is one of those things for me personally. Reading is one of those things also. And just like sitting here listening to you talk about this, it, I couldn't help but think of that, that collaboration that I did and how, you know, for our listeners, just the reminder, like you don't have to sit down and re for 30 minutes or whatever it might be that like gives you those drops back into your cup, right?

It doesn't that, that you could be in a season where 30 minutes of doing something like that for yourself feels so unattainable that you're not even going to try to do it. It doesn't have to be like that. It can even be something multitasking. You know, like I like to talk about like stacking tasks, batching tasks together. 

If you want to, if you need time to watch your trash TV, show, turn your trash TV, show on while you're, I don't know, like folding the laundry or something like that while you're on the treadmill on the elliptical, whatever it might be. I just I think there's this connotation right now where we have to be carving out, you know, large chunks of time for ourselves. And that's just quite frankly not doable for everyone in whatever season they might be in. You know, like, I think that with kids it's such a unique season. because before kids, a lot of times we're able to have that time and then eventually we get back to being able to have that time.

I think about, there's, a long endurance race. It's called an Iron Man. You've probably heard of it. 100 and 40 miles. The, the vast majority of the age groups of people who compete in Iron Man are either like in their twenties or like in their fifties. Think about that. And that might not be the exact age group.

The point that I'm, you're getting to a point of who's missing on the middle.

There's a very clear age group that is missing and it really makes sense if you think about it, it really makes sense when you're in your twenties, you can get up at the crack of dawn before work and go, get in all of those miles. But you know what? If you have a baby at home, there's no way on God's green earth, you can get up and go do that.

No. Well, and I love that. You say that because one of my goals for, 2024 is I don't know when this episode is going to come out. It might be 2024 already. But my, one of my goals for 2024 and I'm, I've been trying to say it out loud a little bit, you know, so that accountability in there. Yeah. Get back to exercising because, you know, a lot of people, are like, oh, I have to exercise so that I can look a certain way or, you know, no, I, I learned in college that I was in competitive cheer.

And so when I stopped that, I realized that that that is really, and again, that's it. I didn't know about the enneagram at the time, but it is really truly just a part of my personality. I'm an Enneagram three, I'm ad on the disc profile. And so there are studies that have shown that, that those personality types we really do need and thrive off of exercise.

And so I've learned that in not having that in my life that I'm missing it and it really does make me feel better but not just physically but mentally, emotionally. I know that I'm, I know that I'm just better for everyone. And so, but I've been really struggling. I mean, I used to do two days in college, right. So I go for an hour talking about having all this time, right?

Like when I was 20 I mean, I was in the best shape of my life and I went to the gym for an hour in the morning and then I went to the gym for an hour in the afternoon and it was my happy place and I loved it. And my husband did the same. He did, he didn't do an iron man. He did a, I don't know, maybe like a triathlon or something like that. The swim bike run. and he was probably about 2021 when he did it.

Right. And so, you know, that we would go to the gym together every day after work. We've talked about this recently. It was like, remember when we used to get off of work and we'd meet at the gym and we'd stay there for 60 minutes and then we'd head home and have our chicken and broccoli and rice and, you know, we ate nice and healthy and then we took a shower and then we went to bed and like, that was our whole day because our lives like, kind of revolved a little bit around like the gym and stuff like that. I was like, do you remember? 

And he was like, I do remember that, you know. So right now, my goal for 2024 is to find 10 minutes, four days a week to do this, right? Like I'm talking about going from two hours a day. Like that is what I love. That is what I enjoy, but I could not even imagine taking two hours out of my days, six days a week to do that.

I hoping to find 10 minutes, four times a week to do this. But you gotta start small, you gotta start somewhere. You have to say that 10 minutes is better than no minutes because that's where I am right now and I'm just tired. And so I love that. You said that because literally, it feels so inconsequential when I say 10 minutes, it seems like why even bother.

But I have to bother. I have to find a way to work those 10 minutes in and I know that those 10 minutes are eventually going to turn into 15 minutes and then they're going to turn into one. Right? It is. And it's gonna, I, because I, I need the motivation because like, I just feel like if you look at me, everybody's like, oh, you don't look like you've had four kids and nobody can ever see me on Zoom.

Right? So like when they see me, like in person, they're like, wow, I didn't know you were only 51. Wow. I didn't know that you were like teeny tiny, I count macros, right? So I focused on the nutrition because I, I do feel like I can control that right now more than the exercise. But I need to do it for me. I need to do it for my mental happiness for, for my emotional happiness for how I show up for my clients for how I show up for my husband and my kids and my friends.

Like that's such a core component. And I also know that 10 minutes is probably all my body is physically capable of after having four kids and not exercising for a while. So, you know, you have to start somewhere. And I also know that by the time that my body has physically worked up to 30 minutes a day, six days a week, I'm really hoping that my kids will be a year older. Right?

And so sleeping better and just all the things. And so I know that it's, it's only gonna go up from here, hopefully that I'm going to have more time in my day for exercise. But it is something that I'm committed to in 2024 just saying like Kimberly 10 minutes is not inconsequential. It is for you. It is and it's a starting point. Yeah, and it's all you have right now.

So make the best of those 10 minutes and 10 minutes is better than no minutes, like you said, it's so true.

Exactly. So, ok, as we start to wrap up, I have, I was gonna say no. Ok, let me do this. Do you have I have two last questions for you. First one is I guess really I have three last questions for you just so, you know, I'm not lying. Cool. Ok, so I want to end this conversation like speaking to the moms who are attempting the juggle but you know, maybe she feels like balls are just being dropped left and right. Do you have any tips? Words of encouragement? Anything like that for her?

Yeah, so this is a mom of four thing mom of, you know, so when I when we had our fourth baby was 106 we had a five year old, our oldest was 5.5 when our fourth baby was born. So just to put it in perspective, let the balls drop. Yeah, five years ago, you never would have heard those words coming out of my mouth. I mean, I'd have been like who lets balls drop?

Like, oh my God, you know, let the balls drop, let the unimportant balls drop so that you don't drop the important balls. That is my biggest piece of advice and it's a easier said than done. So much easier said than done. But you know, like I let Vivian, our 18 month old have a sucker before dinner the other night because she was just screaming her head off and it was just me and I was trying to get dinner going.

I was still working and I had all the three boys home, had two of them in the shower and I just let that girl have a sucker. Our kids don't usually get suckers until they're like five or six. I have like a sticky thing. like a, like a, like a sticky and a greasy thing. It's, it's a compulsion. so our kids don't have cotton candy, they don't eat while we're out and about, they know, like all of our kids know you wipe, you don't get it from the table until you've wiped your hands or washed your hands. 

And I just let that girl have a sucker. Now, she went right to the shower after. because like, and at one point I had to take it away. I was like, ok, that brought us five minutes. I can't do it anymore. Like no take the day you're making a mess. so, you know, that is something that I just had to let go.

Let my and Hunter, our oldest is like, is she having a sucker? And I'm like, yes, just walk away, walk away like, you know, that I could tell he's like, I, I would have never been allowed to have that. I still wouldn't be to have that. So I kind of want to sucker now too, mom.

Right. Right. He's like, and I what I like no. so you know, let, let the unimportant balls drop so that you don't drop the important balls. That's like, that's the first time I've ever thought about it in that context, you ask one question and again, easier said than done, but figure out what the important balls are. 

Figure out what the unimportant balls are and let them drop. And that is just such a mom of, of four mentality that I've had to really come into because there is no humanly possible way that I can keep all the balls in the air. because I'm probably up to a trillion balls that I'm juggling and so I need to get it down to just a million. And so I have to let all of the other ones just drop, so drop them just you have permission to drop the unimportant balls.

And I think kind of piggybacking on that is since we have like made such a point in saying that it's so much easier said than done also, like give yourself some grace as you start, you know, practicing letting some of the unimportant things drop because it is freaking hard. You can, it is not fair to expect yourself to wake up one day and have this new mentality of like all the things that aren't important, just aren't important to me anymore.

No. Give yourself a break. Cut yourself some slack. Let's incorporate the, the same kind of grace that you would give your child that you would give your friend that you would give, you know, whoever it might be. It's hard, it's hard.

Yeah. And you have, it's actually more work in the beginning to say I'm going to choose to let that go, right? Like something I've let go is, you know, being put together and having makeup on every day, something I've let go is, you know, having all the kids dressed in their hair done and, and all all those things like my mom's like, you're gonna, you're not gonna fix this hair.

I'm like, nope, we're good. We're going, you know, like we're making it out of the house, we're getting to school no pictures today, you know. So like, but you like, it will be a conscious effort and choice in the beginning but it like everything, it does get easier, the more you make that conscious choice.

Yeah, for sure. OK, so second to last question, now I ask every guest on the show. Do you have a life or happiness hack that you use in your own life that the listeners might want to adopt in their own? And it can't be letting the ball drop.

I can tell you that something that has really, ok, I have two things. So one of them is really nurturing your friendships as, as an adult. I get in these, you know, again with four of them, it's really, really hard to make time for that for us to travel to the Bahamas. That was our first couple's trip in eight years, right? Like before we had kids.

And so it was a huge undertaking, but it was so necessary and so needed. you know, going to I I recently is so simple we were, we won some fish at the fair. My, my seven year old won fish at the fair and then we were leaving for Disney the next day. So we had to bring the fish to a friend's house to be fish sat. And so, while we were there, this friend is an only child.

And so they, they, they were talking and hanging out. So I was just talking to her mom and before I knew it, it was like almost two hours later, my husband texted me. He's like, are you coming home? And I'm like, yeah, we're about to leave. He's like, I need to feed these Children. I'm like, yeah, just feed him whatever. I was just doing leftovers.

But like, you don't realize how good that just that adult conversation with no interruptions, just talking about work and life and things like how much you need that. And so like finding it's hard to prioritize it sometimes because you're like, I literally don't have, have an hour and a half to have a, it feels like a luxury. It is a luxury and but it's an important, it's an important luxury.

And so carving out time to have those adult conversations without kids around. And then I forgot because I have my brain, I forgot what the second one was going to be. If I remember, I'll come back to it. But that was a really, that was a really important one. To talk about is, you know, carving out time for yourself. I, I think it's really important.

I really like that one. Ok. So where can we find you? Where can we hang out with you?

Yeah. So if you're a podcast listener, if you're here and you love podcasts, we have the CEO Moms Building Wealth Podcast. Kaitlin has been a guest. Her episode is not out yet, but it will be out very shortly. It was a great, great episode. And so we just talk about all things wealth. Obviously, we talk about financial wealth, but we talk about wealth in just a holistic perspective because wealth is so much more than just money. It is happiness, it is time with your kids.

It is your journey to finding peace and inner calm in this life. So come join us over there and then if you are on Instagram, I like to say, come find me on my landing page. I'm not super active on social media. But at Tara CPA Firm, you can find us and I love, I love the voice DMs. And that's kind of why I'm on social is because I just, I love having conversations with people. I'm such a, just a connector like I love relationships and that's just sort of my jam.

And if you are a CEO mom, go find Kimberly all your CPA and tax needs.

Yes. Yes. And don't think so. I have to do, I have to do my. So we also have a download. If you are a CEO mom, it's our 12 most missed tax deductions that are costing you money. So you can go and grab that free resource and then send me the link and yes, we will, we will include that so that you can grab that free resource. And then, you know, don't think a lot of people think, oh, I don't need a tax strategist or I don't need a CPA, I'm not making enough money yet.

You know, you don't have to be rich to need a tax strategist. If you are a business owner and your business is making, you know, 40 $50,000 a year, it's probably time to start talking to someone because you are in a unique position as a business owner to use the IRS the, the US tax code to your advantage to put more money back in your pocket and more money back in your pocket as a mom means one less client, one less client means more time with your kids.

Or maybe you get a new client but you still have more money back in your pocket. And that means college savings for your kids or a vacation or paying off a mortgage. So, that's why I'm really passionate about what I do because I think that in putting money back in CEO mom's pockets, we're really giving them the opportunity to have more time with their family or provide something for their family that they really want or need.

So true. Thank you so much for this wonderful start to my day.

Like, thank you for having me. I knew it was gonna be a good conversation.

I know, I know this was so fun and y'all we had to reschedule between trying to get time on both of our shows. Like it, it has just been comical.

Oh my gosh. I started this in like August and here we are in November. It's been this whole thing. But you know what we're here, we did it, we made it and that's what counts.

That's what counts. That's totally what counts. All right. My friends, I will be back in your ears next week with another episode of the Think Happy Podcast.