EP 104: Perspective & Priorities in Motherhood & Women’s Money Mindset with Rebekah Kiger | Part 1

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Before we start today's episode, I want to give you a heads up that this is a two parter. Tune in to part one today, then come back next week for part two. Enjoy. Welcome to the Think Happy podcast. I just pulled up my Spotify account to listen to some music just while I'm working. And you probably know how Spotify will curate playlists for you, right? Well, one that they just made me and suggested that I listen to this morning is called, and I quote, mountain music crunchy Wednesday morning. According to Spotify, I frequently listen to hipster and alternative music on Wednesday mornings, so they put together a playlist for me that includes some crunchy.

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I didn't know that was a genre of music. Again, I'm quoting some crunchy mountain music. Also didn't know that was a genre. Another one is cottage core. Never heard of that. And indie chill. So that's the only genre in this list that I've actually heard of. But I will say I am totally digging the playlist. So shout out to Spotify and whatever AI are using to curate custom playlists for me. Thank you very much. We've got some bleachers of monsters and men, young the giant Vance joy walk the moon. I'm telling you, it's a really good playlist. I think that this is like a little confession. I think deep down I would really love to be a famous artist. I mean, I love music and I love writing and I love being on stage and pumping up people. I just feel like people would have a really good time at my concerts. But there is one big problem, and that is that I have a terrible singing voice and no one would want to hear that. So, yeah, minor details. Maybe I'll just stick with podcasting and think happy for now, but maybe I'll just keep that in my back pocket.

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Okay. Anyway, as always, I have an awesome episode for you today. I thoroughly enjoyed my conversation with Rebekah Kiger, who you're going to get to hear from in a second. So Rebekah and I talked about so many things, and I think you're really going to resonate with a lot of the topics that we covered. So between parts one and part one and part two, we talked about finding purpose through our children, how perspective and priorities can change when you step into motherhood. We talked about the why that makes you cry, which, know, that's what Rebekah calls what I call the why behind your what, which, I mean, that's a really good part of the conversation. And we also cover money mindset, specifically in women. So let me introduce you to Rebecca, and then we will dive into part one. Rebecca is a trauma informed master mindset and money coach with 17 years experience helping others reach their financial goals. She grew up below the poverty line with a single mother of seven kids. She also became a young mom at 18 years old and continued on with the same patterns of poverty that she watched in her own mom.

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Rebekah overcame the programs, conditioning and trauma and turned the patterns of poverty into patterns of prosperity and has made it her life's mission to help as many women as possible do the same. Rebecca is truly a gem of a person, and I'm so excited for you to listen to this conversation that I got the opportunity to have with her. So with that being said, here is part one. All right, Rebekah, welcome to the Think Happy podcast. I am just so happy to have you here today. I can't wait for our conversation.

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Oh, me too. Thank you so much, Kaitlin. It's been amazing getting to know you, and I'm so excited to be here.

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So just as a little insider scoop for the Listeners, one of the things that Rebekah and I are going to be talking about today is actually some stuff with our kids. And I just said the most random thing to her. I was telling her how this was probably just going to be an audio only episode, and then I was like, so if you have to pick your nose, it's fine. Eleanor has been sick this week and I've been with her. So, you know, tell me you've been hanging out with your kids for too long. Without telling me you've been hanging out with your kids for too long. Here we go.

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I love it.

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Needless to say, I'm really glad for this adult conversation right now. So thank you for that, Rebekah.

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Of course I remember those days. I remember the days. You will get through it. It will be well.

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Okay, so that actually tees up my first question perfectly. So let's start. Just tell us a little bit about yourself. About your daughter and, of course, about your business.

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Yeah, absolutely. So my daughter is 17 now, and I had her at a really young age, and we kind of talked all about this when I interviewed you on my podcast as well. And I had her at a young age, and now I'm to the point where I'm a young mom. I get to kind of. I've gone through all of those sort of years, right, the early years, where you're at right now. Love them, miss them so much. But ultimately, she was the driving factor behind so much of what it is that I do, so much of my passion, so much of my purpose. I know that that's really when things shifted for me when I started my corporate career and kind of got into the worlds of finance and really desiring to go down this path of making a better life for her. So that's a little bit about us. Her name is Alana. She's incredible. I was a single mama for about ten years until I met my husband, who now is the most incredible father to her. So, yeah, it's our little happy family, and we have two fur dogs as well.

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And so just super feel super complete and love every aspect of her and of my life.

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What kind of dogs do you guys have?

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So we have mixes. So there's one, the pit lab mix, and the other is a pit mastive. She's bigger.

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Yeah. So cute.

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We have both.

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Yeah. Our dog was our first baby, and she is very aware of the fact that we have completely ruined her life by having two human babies.

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Of course.

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So one of the reasons why I really wanted to have you on the show is to talk specifically about money. Money mindset, building habits around money. But before we dive into that, I think it would be really great just to chat about specifically your daughter and how she was such a driving force behind your business, because I know we have a lot of parallels with our timelines of having children, starting our businesses, and things like that. So I would just love to hear your journey, your story specific to that, if you don't mind sharing.

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Of course. So I'll back up a little bit with my upbringing, because I think that this provides a level of context. We always want to do better for our children than we had, and that's really the journey that started for me. I grew up below the poverty line in. My mom was a single mom of seven children in a very rough neighborhood, one of the worst cities to date in the country, really, and of the US, that's where we're based. And it was a tough life. We were in survival mode a lot. Didn't know where our next meal was going to be. We were on government, really. It wasn't until I got to adulthood that I realized, actually, how bad it was. And quite frankly, I really don't know how my mom kept a roof over our head. I mean, thank God we were never worse off than that. We always did have a roof, but sometimes that was it. And that was a very difficult upbringing. It led to a lot of trauma around money in my life. It led to a lot of trauma around relationships and living in survival mode for the majority of my life and my adulthood.

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And once I got pregnant at a young age, I kind of perpetuated a lot of those, I call them patterns of poverty that my mom reflected for me. And I was on government assistance. I was a young mom and making essentially no money. And so that's really when I knew that I had to get to work. Like, college wasn't an option for me. I just needed to get started. And that was, again, 17 years ago. So it worked out as state would have it really well. But that's really what was the driving factor. I knew that I didn't care what it was that I had to do. I knew I had to do something. I had to give her a better life. I had to get to work. And what that looked like for me in the early stages of my life was grinding, was hustling, was putting in all the hours, hamster wheeling it out, right. And just burning myself out to the nth degree. But I didn't really care because at the time, because I knew that in my mind, I believe that hard work is what equaled success. So I was not afraid of hard work.

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I was not afraid of putting in the time. And, of course, that led me to on a different path of burnout. And we can talk about that as well. But that is really where my journey started. And I knew. And actually it worked. That level of grinding, that level of working hard, it did lead me to a lot greater of a success than I ever really imagined. I didn't see any one model, like, making a lot of money for me. So when I got to the place of probably about five years into my corporate career, I was making probably, I don't know, 60 or $70,000 a year. And I thought that I was on top of the world and I made it. And that is a lot of money for most people. Right. But that was kind of where I got to the crossroads. And we can talk about all of that as well. That's where I kind of got to the crossroads and realized, well, at what cost? Yes, I'm making all money, but at what cost? I'm missing all these opportunities with my daughter, and it just wasn't a life that I wanted to continue.

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And so, yeah, I'm happy to share more about that, but I wanted to pause to see if you had any questions.

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Yeah, that's a beautiful story, and thank you for sharing it with us. I think that something that has been so amazing to me that you only know what you know, and until you become a mom, you don't know a lot of things about motherhood. And it's crazy to me how much our children can change our perspective on things. Specifically, I was not expecting motherhood to become the driving force behind me making the decision to leave my nine to five and taking such a big risk with starting a business from the ground up. When I made the decision, I had a one and a half year old with another on the way. So maybe not the greatest time to be taking risks like that. It's tough. I think that a lot of entrepreneurship looks shiny and sparkly on the outside, but it is a lot of hard work. And truthfully, I do find myself doubting myself sometimes. And so I guess just from looking at where I am now and where you are now through your journey, how did you handle just those feelings of doubt? I know that's, like, a really loaded question.

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Okay, we can go there. Absolutely. So this is kind of just a continuation, really, of where my story is, because I'm clearly not there anymore where I was at the time. And so this journey of burnout really offered me the opportunity to look at where did I actually want to go, right? Because that's the truth. I initially had the goal of, I need to make enough money to provide for my child. But then I realized that because I was making all the money and working and grinding and hustling, I was losing all the time with my child. And I heard a quote one time that really hit me at my soul because I knew that I wasn't giving this to my daughter at the time. And it said that children spell love. T-I-M-E. Wow. Yeah. I literally have chills because I still think back to that time, and it gets me emotional to think about it because I knew at the time that I wasn't showing my child love. I was putting the money and all of that, the forefront of my desires and my needs, because I had been in survival mode for so long, and I thought that's what she needed, when in all reality it wasn't.

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She needed my time. She needed me to be there. So as fate would have it, I had a mentor come into my life. And long story short, he set me on this path to where I am now and helped me to see more in myself, more in me than I saw in myself and allowed for me to really set the foundation for being where I am now, which is being able to retire from my corporate job in my early thirty? S, doing what I love for a living, and now getting to never miss a moment with my child. So my journey took a little bit longer than some people's. And this is also why I want to share these things with mothers of young children, too, because this life is possible. And had I known what I know now, I could have done this a lot faster. But my goal is not to go back and beat myself up for anything. My goal is to just create that ripple effect and let people be able to walk their journey, collapsing time and have it happen for them faster. So to answer your question, how to deal with the doubt really is always coming back to, well, what is the driving force?

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What is your why that makes you cry? Right? What is that purpose that you have? And sometimes it can shift. And I'm not saying, and I'm not suggesting that you have to go and quit your job if you have a one and a half year old and one on the way. I told you this last time like you're a super mom because I don't know how you did that and survived, but you're here. It really is super commendable and just incredible that you walk that journey. But that doesn't have to be. Everyone's journey is having the hardest rough patch ever. That's also why coaches and mentors exist, because we're literally here to help people collapse time, to help people make these kinds of things happen faster. So when you're looking at your situation and doubting whether or not it's possible for you, I would go back to your why. I always go back to my why and say, okay, what is the real reason that I'm actually doing this? This is a purpose that is bigger than myself because when we look at ourselves and we look at our scenario, sometimes it's easy for us to be so hyper focused on where it is that we're not versus where it is that we are and all of the things that we have overcome.

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So that's the number one thing that I would say would be really important and the second thing, which is what you have modeled as well, is it's going back to this desire, this what I call soul power, which is the name of my podcast. Yes, that was why, and we all do this, whether we know it or not. But that's why you decided to do that at the time that you did, because you have this calling and this purpose. And I think that that is something that no one can take away from us. Even when things get hard, if you can access this soul power, this intuitive nudge, this gift that you have to bring something forth into the world that is bigger than yourself, there's really not much on earth that's going to drive you like that, because you are always going to be able to come back to that spark and say, I remember why I did this. Does that kind of resonate with you as well?

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Yeah. And I'm remembering why I love talking to you so much because I feel like a lot of what you just said is something that I would have said had someone posed the same question to me. But it's so funny, because when we're guiding, when we're mentoring, when we're coaching, or even when we're just being a friend, a good listener, it's so much easier to help someone else get outside of just this one little moment in time and see it more big picture. But when it's for ourselves, we stay in that one little moment of time, and it's hard to remember to pull ourselves out, to have this bird's eye view. And that's exactly what you just did, pulling out, looking at this bird's eye view. And I love what you said about the why that makes you cry, Rebecca, because, and I'm pretty sure we talked about this on your show. Also, having a why behind your what is something that I talk about know, all the time in all of my programs, probably literally every single podcast episode.

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It gets brought up.

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It's important somehow. But the why that makes you cry, that is such a fantastic way to put really. I know as I'm sitting here, I'm drinking the most delicious cup of Kirbeans coffee. Kirbeanss is a wife and husband duo who turned their passion for coffee into a business. They are so sweet, and it makes me so happy seeing their business thrive. Now, let me tell you why kirbeans is thriving. To put it simply, it's because their coffee is amazing. Think happy has had the honor of getting to pick a think happy signature roast. These dark roasted Mexico beans smell like a good day waiting to happen. When brewed they create the smoothest cup of coffee you have ever tasted, and it is even still good after being reheated. If you're like me and frequently get pulled away from your coffee, you know, that's important. And I have a special treat for you. Think happy listeners receive 15% off their order of kirbeans. Head to Kirbeans coffee. Kirbeans is spelled K-I-R-B-E-A-N-S and use code "thinkhappy" at checkout for your 15% discount. Again, that's Kirbeans coffee code "thinkhappy" for 15% off.

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Because it's so important to have something that drives us that's bigger than ourselves. Because the truth is that. I'll just add to that, is that when we look at ourselves and we try to see these things that we call blind spots. Right. In our industry, in the coaching industry, it's really difficult for us to see ourselves, and that's why mirrors exist. Like, you can't see your full self unless you're looking in a mirror. I cannot look down and see every aspect of myself. And so even sometimes it's hard in mirrors to see every aspect. Right. Right. The point is that we, as coaches and mentors and guides, we are actually mirrors for our clients. We are helping to hold up gently the mirror and say, hey, I see this because it's really easy for us to see blind spots in other people. I know there's somebody in your life and my life and everybody's lives that we can look at them and say, if they would just stop doing this, their entire life would change. But they don't see it. Why don't they see it? Because it's a blind spot and we all have them.

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So coaches and mentors are meant to guide and gently hold up the mirror and say, hey, this is what I'm seeing in you. Do you want to shift it? Do you want to change it? Do you need some guidance there? And most of the time, depending on where you are in your journey, it's nuanced things, it's small things that you really don't need these massive wholesale changes. You just need to shift your energy in the way that you do this or shift that or create a habit or all of the things that we talk about. And so I think it's really important. I just wanted to kind of piggyback on that because I know the importance of having people in your lives, like you said, even a friend who's going to mirror back to you the ways that you're showing up in your life, maybe perpetuating cycles that are not serving you anymore. And if you're ready to shift them and you have an open mind and you're ready to do the work, it's one of the most powerful gifts that anybody can ever give you.

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Absolutely. And I think it just goes to say that coaches have coaches, too, right? All the time. And it's a way that we get to practice what we preach in exactly what you just said. Sometimes you need someone else to hold that mirror up for you, and there is nothing wrong with that. That is not a sign of weakness. If anything, it's a sign of strength that you are pulling apart, allowing yourself to be vulnerable in that manner, all in an effort to grow yourself, to step into whoever it is that you want to be. And, man, I'm on fire.

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Me, too. I love it. We feed off of.

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So glad we're doing this in the morning. The rest of my day is just going to be totally on fire. Totally on fire. I think, as the gen-Zers would say, my day will be lit.

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Will be lit. Yes.

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Okay. So, something you said when we were chatting the other day that really has stuck with me is if you don't see purpose in yourself, you start to see it through your children. That is so applicable, really, to any mom, whether they are staying at home full time, which, in my opinion, is the hardest, or if they're going back to the corporate world, or if they're diving into a side hustle. I take back what I said about the staying at home full time being the hardest. It's all hard. Let's just be honest. It's all hard. So it leads me to this question. So, how have you seen your purpose through your daughter?

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Oh, my gosh. I mean, it's life changing because a lot of times when I know, for me, growing up with lots of different trauma and lots of things that happened as I was growing up that were very traumatic, I had built this identity that maybe I wasn't actually good enough or I wasn't worthy or I wasn't enough to go after the things that I wanted. And I lived in that reality for a very long time. And something shifted, though, once I had my daughter. And honestly, I don't know that I've ever shared this on a podcast episode. So thank you for bringing this up. I love these questions. But ultimately, whenever I was pregnant with my daughter, I was in a very abusive relationship with her father. Even thereafter, after I had her, he was physically abusive, mentally, spiritually, emotionally, the whole thing. And it's tough, right? Like, being a domestic abuse survivor is something that, on top of the fact that I already didn't feel worthy enough, that just continued to put me even further, and I allowed that to. And so I didn't think that I was worthy of anything more or different.

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I feel a lot of compassion for that version of me because I'm nowhere near that anymore, which is.

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Yeah.

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But I remember there was a period of time where he was getting more and more abusive after I had her, and he was unfaithful and all of the things. And I remember he threw a bottle of pop, a full can of pop at me as I was holding my newborn baby. And I remember having to shield her and turn so that she didn't get hurt because that could have killed her. He threw it. And I remember just completely shielding her with my body and then having this softball sized wound on my leg, on my thigh. And I almost was grateful for that because it was a reminder for me over the next couple of weeks, every time I touched it and it hurt, it was like, she needs more. She needs more than this. That could have just as easily caught. It could have been a totally different trajectory. Even if you don't care enough about yourself right now and listen to the listeners, you might not be going through something like this. Or maybe you are. Doesn't really matter. The truth is that we might not care enough about our own self worth and our own ability and what we think that we deserve.

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But damn it, when we have a child, and I've seen this with so many of my friends and so many other people who've just put up with this trash and garbage for too long, right? And then it's like, when you have a child, you're just like, forget this. There's absolutely no way. Because I have something bigger than me, and she doesn't deserve, or he doesn't deserve to see this, they don't deserve to have this life. And that really was what shifted for me, because I couldn't find the strength at the time. I'm talking 18 years ago now. I couldn't find the strength at the time to care enough about myself, but I damn sure cared enough about that little baby. It did set my life on a completely different trajectory from that point forward.

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It's just another way of how not only our perspective changes when we have children, like what we were talking about just a few minutes ago, but also our priorities change when we have children. And I think that something that a lot of moms can resonate with is changes in relationships, whether that be with a partner in an unhealthy relationship, or maybe with girlfriends, whoever it might be. And sometimes it can feel really lonely until you settle into this new perspective or priority or purpose that you have now as being a mother. And I think that as you start to settle into that, you do start to build a new community or just refine your community in a way that supports you where you are. Wow. Wow. And I'm just thinking about that story, Rebecca, and the softball size wound on your leg, and it just being this physical reminder of like this could have been on her head. That would be the size of her head with a bit of that little.

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Yeah, it would have killed her. And I agree with everything that you're saying. And it's like putting ourselves around people. This is also why I'm so passionate about the community aspect of things. I lead with helping people transform their relationship with money. But I don't end there. My work doesn't end there. The people who walk through my programs and my methods and my systems that I have, they're designed to help you transform your entire life. And the reason that I do it that way and lead with money is because most people want to make more money, and especially when we are. And that's also where I'm an expert. I have 17 years experience now in that space. But the truth is, once we have some wealth and some money, then we have choices that, again, we're not going to sit around and put up with certain things if we have choice to do otherwise. I know I stayed in relationships far too long because I couldn't do it on my own. I was a single mom. I couldn't provide for my child on my own. So my biggest passion is to help get money back in the hands of good hearted women so that they can have choices.

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And you might not be in the same position as I am, but if you want to have choices with your children about what it is that you spend your time doing, or vacationing, or what school they go to, or even thinking long term into their futures and their retirements, and setting up investment plans for them, or buying them real estate portfolios, it can be on small and large scales. There's so much that we can do when we have wealth. And it's not greedy to want that because we are giving it back. We are giving it back and we're creating a new paradigm. And so one of the main reasons that I focus so much on community building is because I never ever want someone to feel like they're alone because you aren't alone. And you don't have to be alone. And I wish that I would have had access to, and quite frankly, I probably wouldn't have been open to it back then, but I wish that I would have had access to someone like me or someone like you who would able to. Because all I ever wanted was some guidance. All I ever wanted was someone to pull me under their wing and show me the ropes. And that's what my mentor did for me. And my life literally changed. I mean, I'm a different person from when I was then.

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And so I know the value of a mentor, and that's why it's so important for me to be able to give that back to others.

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Thank you for joining me for this week's episode of the Think Happy podcast. I would so appreciate it if you could leave a rating and review. And if you just can't get enough, find me on Instagram at Thinkhappy_co. That's co and online thinkhappyco.com. I'll be back in your ears next week with another episode of the Think Happy podcast. Okay. And it'll just be audio, so, like, no worries about if you have to pick your nose or something.

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I hope not, but okay.

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Why? That is what came into my head.

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That's so funny. Oh, my gosh. Oh, my God.

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Tell me you've been hanging out with your toddler for too long without telling me. You've been for too long.

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I love that. That's hilarious.

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Okay, you ready?